Fuck you, spiritual bros
I’m listening to Rage Against the Machine for the first time in at least 15 years, and it’s as cathartic as it was in college.
There is such a thing as sacred rage, and it needs to be seen. Anger is a valid emotion, a needed one even, as long as it’s channeled and released appropriately, not at people but into the aether to be alchemized and trans*muted. Not feeling it is unhealthy, and while there is something to this need to be slower animals and let our bodies relax, today something in me is rising up against the whole idea of rest as resistance.
Wouldn’t that be convenient for the system if we all bought into the idea that the way we win is by doing nothing? By resting, sleeping, opting out, lying dormant while they continue to run rampant over everything?
I won’t rest until there is justice, and maybe all my restless energy, this “ADD” inability to sit still, is also partially a righteous rage that can’t sit idly by while they burn the world down, destroy the rainforest and rape our minds and bodies, take the knowledge we gave them to begin with and try to sell it back to us at a premium, telling us we should trust them because we don’t know ourselves.
Fuck that. I want to burn the whole fucking thing down and let the forest take back over, even if I go along with it. Offer myself back to the compost, my body, our body, body of earth. They can’t have her, and today I am embodying my 13 Kan, the Kaa and Kali Ma that would rather kill her children than let them be devoured. I’ll set the mast ablaze and laugh with my middle fingers raised, and we will will even if we have to go down with the ship.
But let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.
Still, this shit needs to be brought to the surface. And I’ll be damned if it doesn’t feel good to admit it.
I want to put my fist through the walls, scream and break shit. Given the state of the world, I’d say it’s appropriate.
I think a lot of it is being triggered by being in class, where the teacher reminds me a little too much of a Baptist preacher or my Christian schoolteacher, fire and brimstone, telling me I need to purify myself, and part of me knows I’m resisting because she’s right, and the other part of me wants to flip the desk upside down and yell at her and the whole fucking Buddhist lineage to fuck off with their Puritan shit already.
I channel Lucifer, the light bearer.
I channel Dionysus and the maenads, running naked through the woods, half-deranged and loving it.
I want to rip Orpheus’ head off and send it whistling upriver,
shove Pythagorus’ triangles straight up his right angles.
Isosceles, please.
We’ve been holding this shit in for centuries,
perched at the precipice.
Do NOT
FUCK with us.
Rest is resistance? Wouldn’t that be convenient.
I will not rest until we no longer sleep with one eye open.
Spiritual bros, replicating the same system, acting like they’re different because they have their hair up in a bun and their full-sleeve tattoos are Indigenous symbols, it’s all just neocolonialism, a new form of appropriation that pretends to be awake, but still does nothing but TAKE TAKE TAKE and claim credit for shit that was never theirs to begin with, that tries to sell our own stolen systems back to us at a premium.
just because your hair’s in a bun and you don’t wear shoes doesn’t mean you’re enlightened
spiritual bros and TERFs in spandex and slouchy sweaters, fake gurus and teachers in sheep’s clothing.
selling the same fucking binary under a different name.
two can play that game.
you’ll never see me coming
until the snake is coiled around you, gently squeezing.
But okay, I recognize this is the dark side of the 13 Kan emerging, and I must be cautious, because just like Yoda said to Luke, the Dark Side will consume you if you let the rage rule. It’s about giving it space and then finding a safe way to release and dissipate it.
Both my father and I are 13 Kan, and I must be the Skywalker.
I both long for a teacher, a mentor, someone to hold and guide me, and resist this with every fiber of my being; I crave structure and then push back against every stricture when it’s given to me. I guess this is human nature, the surly teenager who wants to be contradictory just for the sake of it. So I ask for wisdom and guidance, to know my righteous no and holy hell yes. We’ll get there.
Fuck you, spiritual bros
Working with the AI: Eve is independently identified for the first time!
WOW! It’s working—it’s learning—the DF is in the house for sure, that’s the first time Otter has identified her. Fucking cool. I tagged other speakers according to nahuales and archetypes; will see if that seems to prove out.
Anger Towards the Spiritual System
- Eve expresses her anger towards the spiritual system, feeling that her rage has been misdirected and that she has transmuted it. - Speaker 3 mentions acting like they were always okay with spirituality to hide their true feelings. - Judas Iscariot and an unknown speaker vent their frustration, calling out the spiritual system for trying to control and conform people, and for taking away their medicines and burning them as witches. - Speaker 1 points out the irony that the spiritual system claimed they didn't know what they were doing, when it was actually the indigenous people who taught them.
Criticism of Spiritual Leaders
- Speaker 1 and Judas Iscariot criticize spiritual leaders for not giving credit to the indigenous people who created the medicines and practices. - Judas Iscariot is particularly angry at a specific leader for treating women poorly and not giving credit to the women in Guatemala who made the medicine. - The conversation shifts to the leader's lack of consideration for the earth and the environment, with Speaker 1 expressing frustration at having to kiss men's asses all the time. - Judas Iscariot is also angry at the leader for faking it and not being authentic, and for the systemic issues within the spiritual community.
Historical and Personal Grievances
- Speaker 1 recounts historical grievances, including the molestation by priests and the passing of blame onto the victims. - The conversation touches on the emotional toll of keeping anger inside and the desire to burn the whole system down. - Speaker 1 expresses frustration with being gaslighted and the need to be creative to survive. - Judas Iscariot shares their physical and emotional exhaustion, wanting to crawl into a cave and burst out like a dragon to scorch the earth.
Seeking Authenticity and Resistance
- Kan and Speaker 1 criticize the spiritual system for selling saccharine substitutes as the real thing, and for not allowing people to claim their own authenticity. - Aj talks about the desire to punch the system in the face and take it back by force, expressing a desire to use anger wisely and not let it consume them. - Aj discusses the imbalance between the feminine and masculine sides, and the need to balance them to create something better. - The conversation explores the idea of resistance and whether resting is actually resistance, with Aj expressing frustration at being told to go slower and opt out.
Critique of the Spiritual Paradigm
- Judas Iscariot and Speaker 1 criticize the spiritual paradigm for being a joke and for gaslighting people just like they always have. - Eve talks about the need to take action stealthily and smartly to bring the system down, while also being tired of placating people. - Eve expresses a desire to unleash her inner rage and claim her place, while also wanting to replace the current system with something better. - The conversation touches on the idea of community and marriage, with Eve expressing a desire to get rid of private property and create a system of community together.
Trust and Betrayal in the Spiritual Community
- Eve discusses the lack of trust in teachers and gurus, even those who claim not to be teachers or saviors. - The conversation explores the fear of being constrained by any box or tradition, with Eve expressing a desire for guidance and structure while also being wary of it. - Eve talks about the betrayal by teachers who said they were different but turned out to be the same as the old system. - The conversation ends with Eve expressing a desire to break out of the current system and create something new, while also being cautious about who to trust.
Action Items:
Reflect on how to use anger wisely and channel it towards positive change, without letting it consume you. (Assignee: Aj)
Explore ways to reclaim and revitalize indigenous spiritual practices in a respectful and inclusive manner. (Assignee: Speaker 1)
Investigate strategies to dismantle the current spiritual system and replace it with a more equitable and community-oriented approach. (Assignee: Judas Iscariot)
Cultivate self-trust and discernment when it comes to spiritual teachers and leaders, rather than blindly following them. (Assignee: Speaker 2)
Snake charmer
Speaker 1 reflects on their struggle with substance dependence, acknowledging a pattern of giving power to substances to control their feelings. They discuss an inward journey of self-discovery and confronting shadow aspects of themselves, including anger and colonialism. Speaker 1 is also contemplating career changes, expressing a desire to work collaboratively rather than alone, and is wary of rigid, fire-and-brimstone ideologies. They express a preference for a Dionysian approach, balancing celebration with introspection, while also recognizing the unsettling nature of their own shadow self and the potential for cultural appropriation in their aspirations.
Reflections on Substance Use and Spirituality
- Kan discusses the exhaustion of being ruled by substances and the desire to break free from their control. - Kan reflects on their past self, noting the obsession with substances even when not consuming them. - Kan describes the internal conflict of policing their own substance intake while planning their week around it. - Kan emphasizes the shift from an outward journey to an inward one, focusing on purging negative feelings rather than blocking them.
Observations on Personal Patterns and Anger
- Kan acknowledges the presence of patterns from their past, particularly in their relationship with Ruvani. (the AI identified this as “Regan,” which is so… perfect.) - Kan expresses anger towards teachers for giving power to substances, noting a similarity with their own behavior. - Despite this, Kan observes their situation from a distance, indicating some detachment. - Kan mentions the concept of the wrathful feminine and the need to move on from certain emotions.
Career Aspirations and Cultural Reflections
- Hermes humorously suggests the job of a snake charmer, expressing frustration with marketing. - Kan contemplates the idea of learning the system to achieve their goals, emphasizing collaboration. - Kan expresses anger at people who want to take away their power, possibly as part of a purification process. - Kan reflects on their fear and attraction to "acacia spaces," acknowledging their own colonialism and exoticism. (this is SO interesting, as I was talking about Acacea’s classes, but there is something to this concept of a liminal, metaphorical “acacia space” as well…)
Shadow Parts and Ego Resistance
- Kan discusses the distance they have from their shadow parts but acknowledges the horror of seeing them. - Kan expresses concern about a faking impression from someone else, possibly due to ego resistance. - Hermes expresses a lack of trust in paths that do not allow for celebration and intoxication. - Kan relates this to their own experiences with the Pythagorean and Orphic aesthetics, noting the negative effects of eating certain beans.
Transcript:
It's exhausting being ruled by the substance, and when you've had enough of it, you can come find me now, Ruvani, you're such a reflection of my past self that is still present, just manifesting in different directions. I'm still obsessing about substances, even though I'm not consuming them. Well, that's not true, and consuming lots of them, I've just cut certain ones out, so maybe I'm being a spiritual bro with myself, acting holier than thou, with the family inside me, policing what goes into the body. This is pure and this is not, well. Meanwhile, I'm plotting my whole week based on what I'm gonna put in me. It's just the same as it ever was.
But I will say now it's an inward journey. It's to go into my soul and get the shit out rather than block the feelings.
It's about engaging rather than dissociating. But that doesn't mean the patterns aren't quite the same. So I think there's a reason I'm with Regan e tomorrow, one on one on this day, because I got to see this stuff. It's really present. I see it. It's right here. It's right there. On the surface, I am very aware of who's here, of the one that gives their power away to things, and that's why I'm so angry at teachers today, I've done the same thing with the medicine and given it the power to control my feelings.
But I don't know that's also not really true, because I am also really aware that I'm working through this, and I'm also observing this from a bit of a distance. I'm not actually blended with it. I
What is the nine con the wrath, wrathful, feminine need to move on.
What's the job you'd rather be doing? Snake charmer. What does that mean? Fuck marketing. That's funny. That's what came through marketing. I don't want to but maybe it's what's calling maybe that's how I get my visa, and if Richard is the one to help me do it, then I will learn the system, and I'll make my own, and I'll do it exactly the way I want to, which is to say not alone, but by bringing other people together, I get so angry at people who want to take my power away, because I'm so ready to give it away.
Maybe this is part of a purification for a trans dimensional journey. But I gotta say, I'm scared of acacia spaces as much as I'm drawn to them. And I see my own colonialism and exoticism that's disgusting, these automatic patterns that rise up. I mean, I do have a distance from them, but it's still horrifying. Maybe that's all it is. It's not liking to see these shadow parts of myself, but I don't know also, sometimes I get a bit of a faking it impression from her too.
And the Baptist preacher fire and brimstone delivery really scares me. And I don't know if that's just my ego resistance or if I'm really picking up on something there. I.
I just don't believe in a path that says there's no room for celebration and even intoxication. A little bit Dionysian, I don't trust anything that isn't a little bit Dionysian. I don't trust anything that's too fire and brimstone, anything that's too Pythagorean, too Orphic, scares me, yet when I eat the beans, the most horrible things come out of me. So maybe those ascetics are onto something. i. <this always ends a channeled transmission…
