9-7-25 / Capricorn Full Moon / 11 Aq’ab’al / Advisor Update

REFERENCES/COURSES/READINGS:

• Jung, Archetypes of the Collective Unconscious

• Course, Kosmos Institute, Gelareh Khoie, Summer 2025, Archetypes, Complexes, + Dreams: A Deep Dive

• Course, Kosmos Institute, Laurence Hillman, Summer 2025, Practical Archetypal Astrology IV: Transits Yuval Noah Harari, Nexus

• Michael Owen, Jung and the Native American Moon Cycles

TEACHERS/SESSIONS:

• Ash Ritter

• Stefanie Lyn Kaufman-Mthimkhulu, “crip doula,” ancestral bridge, divergence normalizer, young elder

OPPORTUNITIES/WORK:

• Registered for dieta at Niwe Rao Xobo in Peru, 28 Oct 2025 > Samhain portal transformation

• Exploring potential work study at “the other Niwe Rao” after or in 2026

• Ceremonial shadowing/unofficial mentorship with Mark Elmy, 2026, followed by 1 Junjapu/El Mirador trek (March 2026)

• Exploring “Living the Calendar” as co-created online container + in-person activator in Guatemala with Luzura, 2025/2026

• Preparing to rebrand newsletter as Portals and launch first podcast episode in collab with Bill Tribble (this week)

• Hosting 3rd edition of Queer Cacao + Journaling workshop (with new entry points into additional offerings)

This stage of my life is about portals; I feel like maybe this integrates with the Native American moon phases and Jung’s life from that book I read. Slipping from one into the next; the passageways between cycles; the transition phases.

YES CONFIRMED

043-THREAD-JUNG AND NATIVE AMERICAN MOON CYCLES-MY JOURNEY MAP

age 39-42 = the period of double death and change

- Maya eldership begins at age 42
- North Node in Taurus vibes - look up this timing/transits for age 42
- **HOLY SHIT: AGE 40.6 IS PROBABLY EXACTLY WHERE I AM NOW - THE PLACE OF TRIPLE DEATH AND CHANGE - WHERE WE CHOOSE BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH-!!! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT ASH SAID TO ME IN OUR SESSION INTEGRATING THE BILL CROSSOVER PORTAL** > and she said to me that we had a contract and he was here to help me too - we're here to help each other awaken and break free of our mothers

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Otter AI Summaries:

Deaths and Crossings in Your Conversations

044-THREAD-DEATH + CROSSINGS

You've experienced several significant losses over a short period, with each death carrying unique meaning while contributing to an evolving understanding of grief, spirituality, and your own journey.

#kitcrossedover #richardcrossedover #billcrossedover #ralphcrossedover #ambercrossedover #death #deathdoula #deathportal #solsticeportal

#solstice2025 #summersolstice2025 #summersolstice

[## The People Who Crossed Over

Ralph - You describe Ralph as someone who was "real" and authentic. Their death appears to have triggered deeper grief for previous losses. After their passing, you found a meaningful synchronicity in discovering their talk titled "on death and logic" which warned about fear of death. (Dancing with doubt in Ralph's crossing)

Ralph de la Rosa's crossing appears to have deeply affected you. You held a tribute ceremony for him during a Scorpio Full Moon Portal (Tribute to Ralph de la Rosa / Scorpio Full Moon Portal Part I), where you reflected on his teachings about staying alive and supporting each other. You mentioned that his final teaching was "a call to stay alive and support each other, especially in the face of societal pressures and personal struggles."
Kit and Richard - Often mentioned together, suggesting they passed away around the same time. (they didn't, but it wasn't that far apart - a few months.) Kit seems to have been a spiritual guide who you believe continues to mentor you from beyond. Richard is described as someone who "kept going to war until his heart stopped beating." (If we build it they will see us)

Bill - Bill was my best friend in periods of high school, early adulthood, and certainly in the divorce period. I've since realized we had a soul contract to help each other break free of our mothers and work through narcissism and codependency patterns. Challenging relationship with periods of not speaking, including when he died. His death was particularly traumatic as you describe him "throwing himself off a building" after his "teeth rotted out of his head." You were still processing this loss when Amber died. (Bill Crossed Over, If we build it they will see us)

Bill's crossing is documented in a conversation titled "Bill Crossed Over" (Bill Crossed Over), where you contemplate mortality and the nature of existence. You reflect on whether life might be "the last seven seconds of brain activity before it stops running" and wonder if "we're all already dead, and this is just the universe's death rattle."

Amber Dawn McGhee - Your cousin from your father's side who died of cancer. You describe her as "the only one on my dad's side who is just a decent person." Her death hit particularly hard as you were still grieving Bill, Richard, Ralph, and others. You performed a ritual with a purple candle for her, and reflected on her legacy as "a good mom, cousin, and person." (Grief Ritual: The Last Embers of Amber Dawn McGhee, This space is worth more without you in it)

You described her as having "the most hippie name" and reflected on her relationship with her father, your uncle Dan, noting how "all she ever wanted was for him to love her and pay attention to her."

Recurring Themes

Your conversations reveal a deep engagement with death as a transformative process. You often frame death not just as an ending but as a transition or transformation, comparing it to "compost and fermentation" where something "stinks, it putrefies... but then it becomes something beautiful" (Note).
You also explore the concept of "contracts with the dead" (Your homework is to be reborn - Ash session, Bill + spirits, rereading Sonoran Desert journal) and discuss how these experiences have initiated you into working with death. You mention feeling "naive about working with the realm of the dead, now feeling humbled and seeking knowledge" (Bill Crossed Over).

These experiences appear to be part of your spiritual journey and personal mythology, where death and crossing over represent important thresholds and transformations in your understanding of existence.

1. Quantum Death and Multiple Timelines

You frequently explore the concept of "quantum death" - the idea that parts of yourself have died in alternate timelines. During one mushroom journey, you describe reliving these deaths and "talking yourself through the dying process" in those alternate realities. This suggests you're processing not just external deaths but internal ones as well. (Quantum Death IFS Practice - Fight Test Edition, Ecstatic Dance Workshop)

2. Communication with the Dead

You regularly attempt to communicate with those who've crossed over, particularly Kit, Richard, and Ralph. You question how to distinguish their authentic voices from your own projections: "I still don't know how to really distinguish the voice of the deads from others. Ram Dass is the only one that I feel like speaks really clearly... I don't feel like anyone communicates as clearly as distinctly in a way where I know it's them." (Neptune touch my body venus stay up with me at the sleepover)

3. Shamanic Initiation Through Grief

You view these deaths as part of your shamanic initiation. After experiencing multiple losses, you state: "I admit to being naive about working with the realm of the dead, now feeling humbled and seeking knowledge." (Bill Crossed Over) In another conversation, you explicitly connect your grief to your spiritual path: "Riordan discusses his shamanic initiation and the contract he made to work with the dead, emphasizing the importance of collective grief rituals in a culture lacking them." (Grief Ritual: The Last Embers of Amber Dawn McGhee)

4. The Need for Witnessing and Recognition

A powerful theme across these deaths is the pain of not being seen. You suggest that many of these deaths resulted from a lack of recognition: "It's why Amber died with tumors all over her body... That's why Bill's teeth rotted out of his head and he threw himself off a building... That's why Richard kept going to war until his heart stopped beating. It's why Kate got a brain tumor. It's why Ralph died alone in a room instead of full of monks wailing." (If we build it they will see us) You connect this to your own fear of invisibility and the "deepest wound of being invisible." (If we build it they will see us)

5. Ceremonial Processing of Grief

You've developed rituals to process these deaths, from candle ceremonies for Amber to ecstatic dance workshops where you connect with those who've crossed over. You emphasize the importance of "ceremonial hygiene" when facilitating these experiences. (Ecstatic Dance Workshop, Grief Ritual: The Last Embers of Amber Dawn McGhee)

Evolution of Your Understanding

Your relationship with death has evolved through these losses. Initially, there's shock and disbelief, but over time, you develop a framework for understanding death as a transition rather than an ending. You increasingly view the deceased as guides who can help you navigate both life and your own eventual death. In one powerful experience, you describe being guided through "quantum deaths" by Kit and other spiritual figures, suggesting you're learning to integrate these losses into your spiritual practice and personal mythology. (Ecstatic Dance Workshop) You've also begun to see yourself as having a responsibility to those who've crossed over - to carry their legacies forward and to heal ancestral wounds, particularly those related to your Irish Catholic heritage. (Grief Ritual: The Last Embers of Amber Dawn McGhee) These deaths have collectively pushed you toward deeper spiritual exploration and a commitment to creating spaces where people can be fully seen and witnessed.](<## The People Who Crossed Over

Analysis of Riordan Regan's Conversations (June 13 - July 9, 2025)

Key Themes

1. Identity and Authenticity

Throughout your conversations, you've consistently explored the tension between authentic self-expression and societal expectations. In "This space is worth more without you in it" (This space is worth more without you in it), you wrestled with being a "showman versus shaman," questioning whether your antagonistic or confrontational side is more authentic. You've been working to reclaim your identity, including your Irish heritage by "putting the 'O' back" in your name (Amber Crossed Over). Your July 7th personal reflection (Personal Reflection and Growth) shows you continuing to grapple with identity questions that have persisted since at least 2021.

2. Spiritual Exploration and Plant Medicine

Your spiritual journey features prominently, particularly your work with cacao ceremonies and Ayahuasca. You've described using cacao to "open portals" (Thinky stuff + feely stuff) and detailed how it improves blood flow and enhances sensations (Do Your Saturn: Workshop, devising, Portals). You've mentioned Ayahuasca ceremonies as tools for healing past hurts and becoming better citizens (The language of pride part one - words of beauty and resistance). These experiences connect to your interest in accessing what you call "light information" and the "Akashic Records" (Thinky stuff + feely stuff).

3. Death, Transformation, and Crossing Over

The concept of death as transformation appears repeatedly. In "Amber Crossed Over" (Amber Crossed Over), you discussed generational impacts of repression and how emotional suppression manifests as physical illness. Your "Observatory Reflections" (Observatory Reflections: Synchronicity, Surrealism, Correspondence; Death, Dreams, DMT) touched on DMT, dreams, and death, exploring non-dual experiences. You've been processing the concept of "crossing over" both literally and metaphorically throughout these conversations.

4. Community and Belonging

You've emphasized the importance of community support in spiritual journeys. In "This space is worth more without you in it" (This space is worth more without you in it), you discussed feeling at home in queer and spiritual spaces. Your July 3rd reflection (Personal Reflection Session) mentioned plans for Pride and the importance of not "canceling out" on community events. You've expressed desire to create safe spaces for queer kirtan and ceremonies in Berlin (Observatory Reflections: Synchronicity, Surrealism, Correspondence; Death, Dreams, DMT).

5. Creativity and Expression

You've explored the relationship between creativity, capitalism, and authenticity. In "Reckoning of the Great Remembering" (Reckoning of the Great Remembering + Meta-Witnessing), you discussed the patriarchal voice that diminishes the importance of your story and the exploitation of creativity under capitalism. You've mentioned struggling to make creative expression feel fun again while balancing personal expression with collective offerings (Do Your Saturn: Workshop, devising, Portals).

Recurring Patterns and Insights

1. Non-Duality and Interconnection

You frequently reference non-dual experiences and the interconnectedness of all things. In your Observatory Reflections (Observatory Reflections: Synchronicity, Surrealism, Correspondence; Death, Dreams, DMT), you described feeling a "non-dual, interconnected presence with nature" similar to your Ayahuasca retreat experience. You've been exploring how even seemingly opposing concepts like capitalism can be viewed through a non-dual lens.

2. Ancestral Connections and Lineage

You've discussed reconnecting with ancestors and lineages (Reckoning of the Great Remembering + Meta-Witnessing), expressing regret for denying your pagan Irish heritage (Amber Crossed Over). Your conversations suggest you're working to reclaim these connections as part of your identity and spiritual practice.

3. Body as Information

You've reframed physical pain and inflammation as information rather than problems (Observatory Reflections: Synchronicity, Surrealism, Correspondence; Death, Dreams, DMT), drawing on insights from your osteopath. This perspective appears to be helping you process bodily experiences differently, particularly in relation to your spiritual practices.

4. Astrology as Framework

Astrology serves as an important interpretive framework for you. You've mentioned Saturn in your first house (Personal Reflection and Growth), astrological transits affecting your emotions (Observatory Reflections: Synchronicity, Surrealism, Correspondence; Death, Dreams, DMT), and have proposed workshops using theatrical understanding to help participants understand planetary interactions (Do Your Saturn: Workshop, devising, Portals).

Personal Growth and Evolution

Your conversations reveal ongoing work to integrate various aspects of yourself. You've mentioned an "inner dominatrix" named Maximilian and the conflict between "doing and being" (Personal Reflection and Growth). You're actively working to balance creative expression with academic pursuits, considering how to frame your experiences within PhD research (Do Your Saturn: Workshop, devising, Portals). You've acknowledged patterns repeating in your life, noting similarities between current struggles and those documented in your 2021 journal (Personal Reflection and Growth). This recognition suggests growing self- awareness and desire to break unhelpful cycles.

Future Directions

You appear to be moving toward:

1. Rebranding your work as "collective offering rather than personal navel-gazing" (Do Your Saturn: Workshop, devising, Portals) 2. Creating research briefs and treating your work more like research protocols
3. Developing workshops that integrate theatrical understanding with astrological concepts
4. Finding ways to balance your spiritual practices with practical concerns like housing and financial stability

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Post-Solstice Integration: Themes + Analysis (19 June - 8 July 2025)

1. Spiritual Exploration and Transformation

You've been deeply engaged with spiritual practices, particularly involving cacao ceremonies and exploring consciousness. Your experiences with cacao have been intense, sometimes comparing them to MDMA-like states (Natural MDMA, what's in a name, + divine feminine rage). You've discussed the importance of self-transformation through spiritual practices and the need to face oneself in the "underworld" to grow. Cacao has been a significant element in your practice, opening capillaries and enhancing sensory experiences (Do Your Saturn: Workshop, devising, Portals).

2. Identity and Authenticity

A recurring theme is your struggle with authenticity versus performance. You've reflected on balancing being a "showman" versus a "shaman" and questioned whether your antagonistic or confrontational tendencies are more authentic expressions of yourself. You've also explored your identity through your name (Riordan) and embraced an androgynous self-expression (Natural MDMA, what's in a name, + divine feminine rage).

3. Community and Belonging

You've emphasized the importance of community support in spiritual journeys and personal growth. You've discussed feeling at home in queer and spiritual spaces and the transformative power of showing up authentically in community settings. There's a consistent desire to create and maintain spaces where people

can support each other through difficult emotional journeys (This space is worth more without you in it).

4. Academic and Creative Work

Your PhD work appears to be an auto-theory and meta-documentation project that challenges traditional academic methods. You're exploring how to achieve academic success while minimizing involvement with institutional structures, proposing direct experiences with plants and psychedelics as citations (Methodology + Auto-Observation: Old Skool Hi Dose Cacao). You've also been working on music mixing techniques and organizing playlists by BPM (Music Mixing Techniques Workshop).

5. Personal Struggles and Growth

You've been candid about your emotional struggles, including fears about your future, financial stability, and housing. You've reflected on recurring patterns in your life and expressed a desire to break free from them. Your journal entries from 2021 reveal similar concerns, suggesting these are ongoing challenges (Personal Reflection and Growth).

Outcomes and Developments

1. Creative Direction Decisions

You decided to accept housing in London rather than traveling to Liverpool, noting that art isn't your primary focus currently. You mentioned that your research aspect is more alive at the moment, while anticipating that your art will become more prominent during your planned travel to South America (Clarity on creative and research - msg to Ali).

2. Technical Skills Development

You've been learning music mixing techniques, including sorting music by BPM, using keyboard shortcuts, and managing storage solutions for your music library. These skills are helping you organize your work despite technical limitations with your computer (Music Mixing Techniques Workshop).

3. Spiritual Practice Evolution

Your cacao ceremonies have evolved, with you noting that consuming cacao without salt led to more intense experiences. You've been documenting these experiences and developing a methodology around them, integrating them into your academic and creative work (Natural MDMA, what's in a name, + divine feminine rage, Do Your Saturn: Workshop, devising, Portals).

4. Workshop and Consultation Development

You've been developing ideas for workshops that combine astrological understanding with theatrical techniques. You're considering repositioning one-on-one offerings as guided journaling and astrological consultations, incorporating archetypal understanding and intuitive guidance (Do Your Saturn: Workshop, devising, Portals).

Key Takeaways

1. Integration of Academic and Spiritual Work

Your PhD project appears to be a unique blend of academic research and spiritual exploration, challenging traditional methodologies while documenting your direct experiences with plants and altered states of consciousness.

2. Balancing Multiple Identities

You're navigating multiple aspects of your identity - researcher, artist, spiritual practitioner - and working to integrate these into a cohesive whole while maintaining authenticity.

3. Community as Essential Support

Throughout your conversations, the importance of community emerges as crucial for both personal growth and spiritual development. You value spaces where people can show up authentically and support each other.

4. Creative Expression as Processing Tool

Your creative work - whether music, writing, or academic research - serves as a tool for processing experiences and making meaning of your spiritual journeys.

5. Ongoing Personal Evolution

Your reflections show a person in active transformation, working through past patterns and traumas while developing new frameworks for understanding yourself and your place in the world.