Trans* bodies as Philosopher’s Stone
Where I’m at personally: Today is 9 Kawok, the nahual of the femme healers, within the trecena of B’atz; the day we ask the moon, my greatest ally at this time, and their emissaries for help clearing obstructions that inhibit the birth of our creative project(s).
I’m seeing more and more clearly, as layers of detritus are brushed aside; as the trauma healing I’ve been doing proves itself yet again true, my whole Self coming home to roost. I see the rounds of chaos and panic I’ve moved through that felt existential, but also the real overcommitments I made that would be a lot for even a non-neurodivergent and trauma-suffering person to handle. And I cannot thank Amanita, the plants, the dance, the medicines, and my practices enough for this healing. I’ve had less human support than ever before—and I have emerged onto a new level of transcendence and inclusion where I have not only reconnected with my own Self-Energy, but the Anima Mundi, I have truly reached a graduation level of individuation that is a fundamentally different place from where I’ve been.
There was before this Crone’s Portal, and there is after—the transformation is that profound. The portal guarded by ravens and dwelling silent, ever-loving and expectant, in the forests of Ireland, bursting forth during ecstatic dance in London and ready to uplevel again in Berlin. And it’s tied to looking directly at my neurodivergence, queer and trans identity, disabilities real and imagined, unraveling so many storylines and following the threads back to their origins, whether with other family members and the culture or myself. To facing it head-on, bravely, going fully into all of it, armed with my huge bag of tools and resources, buoyed by amanita and cacaosita strength and courage, supported by my teachers surfacing again who I was told by the mushroom in 2023 to apprentice with.
I am still wintering, as part of the work I’m doing is reconnecting to the ancient systems of living with, not in opposition to, the universe; it involves a continual checking in with the Celtic Wheel of the Year, integrating it with the Maya calendar, layering Spiral Dynamics diagrams on top of it and trying to still meet my Gregorian deadlines that oppose everything my bones tell me I should be doing at this season. The tunnel out of the portal is long; it opened at the New Year’s I am choosing to observe going forward, Samhain, the Celtic resetting of the cycle, when Ash and I had our profound experience of connecting with self, spirit, and ancestors, with the creatures and voices of the forest, walking in the darkness and seeing clearly; I will begin to crawl to the surface on Imbolc, which is the exact day I booked to go to Berlin for two months, even though my mind resisted it because I wanted one more day of EDUK—and realizing that today was so incredible.
The ancestors are guiding me, truly. I have reawakened my umbilical-cord connection to Mother Earth, the planet, the forest, the moon and mountains and water and animals and minerals, the stones that are not dead and unfeeling, as I thought they were when I was in Greece, and thought I was one, still disconnected from the feeling function. Turns out I am one, the stones on the edge of this reality, the crystals that transport us cross-dimensionally, because they are just as sentient as anything. I have never felt so safe and held, less alone, it’s even better than when I thought Jesus was beside me, because now I have not just one guy with a lot of other commitments, an over-promised poly partner, but a whole ecosystem of kin who will never abandon me. I reconnected to the Anima Mundi; all the little messages I’ve been getting suddenly make sense. I am a World Tree, hands rooted and toes swaying in the breeze, the Axis running through me. I understand what Jung meant about individuation and the way all this is meant to feel when it has happened. I have broken through the unhealthy kind of being a parent to your parent and learned so much better how to be a parent to both of us who is present but not smothering, loving but firm, protecting. I am learning time-bending capabilities, how to explode out the moments and see all the micro-thought-patterns and responses embedded in what I think are my preferences and choices.
I’m aware that my body has tiredness, but I’m not really experiencing it. I see a few new lines on my face but my soul feels more eternal than I have ever connected with before. I am resourced enough to help others as well. And I’m excited for the adventures even though I’d like a visa.
I’m trusting more.
And I had a huge breakthrough with the PhD thesis today, acknowledging and embracing my Jupiterian tendency toward hyperbole—this actually does feel like a big step forward, a synthesis that was missing between all the things I’ve been studying, and I have managed to bend time and fit in time for reading, journaling, grokking, understanding. Finally allowing myself to feel pleasure in the moments of bodily experience, relaxation, centering at my altar, dancing ecstatically, connecting with others, and learning and inner expansion; realizing so much of this came from believing I didn’t deserve to enjoy anything; realizing the whole PhD was me giving myself a very expensive gift, to actually feel justified doing all the learning and exploring I have wanted to do since I was a child, giving myself the permission and “validation” and “cred” this silly system demands; building a framework around the things I love so I can hold them tenderly and give them space to breathe instead of trying to cram them in around things I actually hate but feel like I have to do because someone told me I was good at them once.
I’ve been thinking the answer is, once again, to deny myself pleasure and doing the things I ACTUALLY want to do, because I grew up learning that anything that felt good was a sin, was “icky,” was going to damn me. Well, that pattern is ending. I am recommitting to the program, it’s the thing that matters most besides healing and community, which are actually enfolded in it, embedded in a holarchy—that’s the beauty.
That’s the celebration. Now the academic/esoteric insights…
Trans* bodies are the philosopher’s stone
Riordan Regan discusses the concept of manifestation, likening Trans* individuals to powerful alchemists who unconsciously create their reality. He emphasizes the internalized oppression and dissociation from one's true self due to capitalist culture, which further alienates individuals from their bodies and the oneness of the universe. Regan suggests that trans bodies are the philosopher's stone, embodying the androgyne principle and transcending duality, representing infinite possibilities. He proposes that transcending time and space is the next evolutionary step, potentially merging the material world with the DMT realm, symbolizing a new level of human consciousness and spiritual materialism.
Outline:
The Power of Manifestation and Internalized Oppression
Riordan Regan discusses the concept of being a powerful manifestor, likening oneself to being a shaman without realizing it.
He explains that internalized voices of oppressors make individuals their own worst enemies, leading to a cycle of self-sabotage.
The idea that one always gets what they think they deserve is emphasized, highlighting the power of manifestation.
Riordan Regan describes the lack of initiation and training in capitalist culture, leading to a disconnection from the true nature of reality.
Dissociation and Capitalist Culture
Riordan Regan elaborates on the concept of dissociation, particularly from the body and the oneness of the universe.
He explains how capitalist culture further dissociates individuals from their bodies, creating a schism between different parts of the brain.
The discussion includes the impact of trauma, both from living in a capitalist culture and from overt abuse, on this dissociation.
The importance of conscious association and taking agency over one's life is emphasized, including working with the energies of the environment and the Wheel of the Year.
Ancient Imagery and Spiritual Materialism
Riordan Regan shares a vision of the Maya calendar nested inside the Celtic Wheel of the Year, suggesting a connection to ancient traditions.
He describes an image of tall lanterns in a cave, possibly representing ancient imagery or rituals.
The concept of stones as the equivalent of Pentacles and the importance of working with the energies of the day and the Maya calendar is discussed.
Riordan Regan reflects on the influence of Terence McKenna, Rupert Sheldrake, and other thinkers on his understanding of alchemy and spiritual materialism.
The Role of Trans Bodies in Alchemy
Riordan Regan asserts that trans bodies are the philosopher's stone, turning one thing into another through alchemy.
He explains that trans bodies represent the androgyne, the divine principle that transcends and includes all genders.
The idea that trans bodies are sacred sites and conductors of energy is explored, with a focus on the power of stones and crystals.
The discussion includes the concept of transcending duality and the infinite possibilities of the trans emergence archetype.
Transcending Time and Space
Riordan Regan discusses the idea of transcending time and space, suggesting that the internet and the DMT realm are part of this process.
He explores the concept of the eschaton, or the ultimate goal of human evolution, as the ability to live in the DMT realm.
The possibility of taking a material body into the DMT world is considered, with Riordan Regan speculating on the implications of this transition.
The conversation concludes with a reflection on the evolving nature of reality and the role of trans bodies in this process.
Transcript / Listen:
You're a much more powerful manifestor than you think you are. It's all about being the shaman without even realizing it. You're always conjuring things. It's just that you're not aware of them. This is the shadow, the subconscious, the unstoppable death force, the thing lurking under the surface. You think it's something outside you that the world is working against you, and while there may be in our forces and systems that are rigged to get some people ahead and keep others restricted. It's not that simple. You're your own worst enemy, but it's because you internalize the voices of these oppressors, and think they're your own.
There's nowhere to hide when they're inside your mind, but what you think is yourself talking to you is actually the voices of everyone else. It's the people you've internalized. It's your dad and your ex husband. It's your old boss and a government run by cis-het white men, designed to keep those same people in the positions of privilege who have always held them from the beginning,
So you repeat these false narratives, but it's not your fault. It's what you were born with, the beauty and empowerment is in realizing this. It's the remix. It's realizing that it's the remix, because you always get what you want. You always get what you want. You always get what you think you deserve. The beauty of it is that you are such a powerful manifestor that you can't not get what you want. The beauty is that you're such a powerful manifestor that you can't not make what you want material. You are the fucking Alchemist. You're conjuring forward a solid from what was fluid.
You're the shaman calling forth the powerful forces from the corners of the universe and the multiverse and dimensions of reality layered on top of this one, you just don't realize what you're invoking, because we don't have these systems of initiation and training in capitalist culture, we've lost the framing. We've lost the context. And nothing makes sense unless you look at it in situ, situated in an actual reality, situated in a context that makes sense to us. So without guidance, we flail around, and all we have to rely on are the voices in our head and the programs from a culture designed to keep us stuck in servitude. Of course, we repeat the same patterns. Of course we wear the same grooves deeper and deeper. Of course, we do the same things over and over. Of course, what else would happen?
So the key is, so human experience is dissociation, separation from the wholeness, and capitalist culture preys upon this because it dissociates us even further. See, everything's a holon, a nested ecology, a fractal representation of the whole. Human experience is a dissociation from the oneness of the universe. That's a whole holographic experience. That's not right, that's a holonic experience? I don't know, that's a holon and a whole lot, being a human. But then capitalist culture takes us a step further, and it dissociates us from our own body. The body is the key, the vessel, the materiality. The body is the philosopher's stone that separates us from the oneness. But then capitalist culture takes us a step further and dissociates us from our bodies against our own will. And the same with trauma. They're both the same thing, I guess; trauma dissociates us from our bodies. Well, trauma can be just simply living in a capitalist culture. The trauma can also be abuse more overtly, and these cause us to dissociate from our bodies without realizing this is what we're doing, and that creates a schism where there's two different parts of your brain. You're trying to operate in two different realities at once. And maybe this is related to the day world, night world thing. It's all about consciousness of it, and intention.
Can you enter into the world of the day and the night and move between them with agency and awareness? Can you dissociate on purpose? Can you move between the role of the form and the formless, or is it just happening to you and you don't realize it, and so it's scary, and you don't know what framework to invoke? You don't have an altar, a map, a road map, to orient you. So you need these things. So conscious dissociation is making this transition, taking the agency back, seeing what's happening below the surface, making the unconscious conscious, taking it from fate into agency, self direction, working with the energies that are present within yourself and within the environment, and following the Wheel of the Year and The energies of the days. I'm seeing an image of the Maya calendar nested inside the Celtic Wheel of the Year. Is this the fucking Dreamspell? That's funny. I wonder if there's more to the Dreamspell. Anyways, maybe the key is not to try to combine these but to look at them separately, they're both very helpful to me, and maybe it's just because of my Irish ancestry that the wheel of the year’s resonating. Maybe someone else would find something else more aligned.
Yeah, but by looking at what's coming to the surface and the context of what's present on that day, you can climb into it, you can slow it down, you can open it up and step inside wide eyed and look around. I'm seeing an image of a bunch of tall lanterns clustered on the ground in the center of a cave in a circle with a chalk circle drawn around them. I wonder what that is. That's cool. I think I'm getting ancient imagery. This has happened before. I from an ancestor, from an old tradition, but so these voices play below the surface, and based on this reading I did, I got the most amazing insight. Stones are the equivalent of Pentacles. And by working with the energies of the day of the Maya calendar and the Tarot and interpreting it by the Wheel of the Year, as well as. Jodorowsky’s angle, all of it filtered through my vessel, what I've collected, and Terence McKenna really being a big part of all this, and Rupert Sheldrake, and we’re all just messengers for the mushroom anyway.
Everything I drew, in this reading, was about making the spiritual material. And this is actually the heart of alchemy. This is what alchemy is. When I drew the nine of swords, this represented the change that meant the end of a cycle. It came from the energies of the hermit and the sun. Combined what I crave and what I fear. I wanted to be an invalid, trapped in bed with my books. I wanted to be locked up and helpless so other people would have to attend to me. I I wanted to be the poor little baby again, to crawl into the womb and have someone take care of me. I wanted the men to not hurt me. I wanted the big, scary world to not hurt me. And I grew up realizing that the only way I was safe as if I was crippled, and even then, not really. But that was a story. And so I saw that this is Existential Kink, you always get what you want, that was what was below the surface, subconsciously, and I didn't even realize it. Like “Agoraphobia,” there's a reason I keep listening to that first track from Deerhunter, like I want to be confined in a room and alone so I can see what's in my mind and like we do have to do that sometimes, but I do fear the sun and the emergence even as part of me craves it and wants to break free. In part, this is my Human Design. I'm a Manifestor, and that means that I get bursts of energy, and then I need to retreat again. I birth things out into creation, and then I need hibernation.
We're a powerful sorcerer, and we actually are getting what we want all the time. We just don't realize that that's what we want. And so conscious dissociation is about exploding the moment out, the process, stopping time, time-bending capability; climbing inside those moments in your mind, around when you think you're deciding, around when you think you know what you're thinking and seeing, but what's actually going on below the surface is probably a false pattern, a false belief that comes from an old pattern rather, until you undo the gaslighting, you're manifesting them and what they've been telling you, you're getting what they want for you, you're getting what they told you you were worth but you don't even realize you're doing it. So you slow it down until you see that that's what's really running in the background.
I drew another card that was all about the baby being born, nine Kawok, today, new material conditions are coming, but we must take care to protect them in the future. It was the knight of pentacles again, I keep drawing the androgyne. And so this also is a central premise of everything I must create, especially the plays, the shows. It's about realizing that Christ is trans, that the Divine is androgyne, holy hermaphrodite, the hermetic queer principle, the spirit made material. So Trans* is the Philosopher's Stone. A Trans* body is the Philosopher's Stone, the sacred stones. I used to say I wanted to be a stone thinking it meant I wanted to be alone, thinking it meant I wanted to not feel and shut things down. And maybe that's one part of it, but really, the stones are the most sacred. They're the sacred sites in Ireland. They're the monoliths that we erected to the gods from the very beginning, the stones are alive. They are not dead. That's an old reductionist paradigm. The stones are just as imbued with life as anything else, if not more so. I mean, look at the crystals. What are they about a polished stone? The stones are conductors. The stones are manifestors too. The stones are powerful and alive. And everything is ensouled, including the rocks.
And this is the rocks on the edge of the universe. And this is why those directors of “Everything everywhere all the time,”" knew exactly what they were doing, and there was way more embedded in that than anyone realized. I think the philosophers stone is making the spiritual material, learning to navigate between the realms voluntarily, to skip between those dimensions, to realize what you're manifesting, and not resist, and not resist those fantasies and desires below the surface that you've been embarrassed of. Allow them in, allow everything, allowing the hot dog fingers, allowing the weirdest shit in the universe, welcome it. Just know that a lot of that comes from somewhere else.
A Trans* body is a philosopher stone. It makes the spiritual material. It turns one thing into another thing. It's alchemy. The Divine Principle is the androgyne, is the thing that is no thing, and everything; is a holon, the spirit that encompasses the transcends and includes everything below it. A trans body transcends and includes all genders and represents none of them. Is what I've been saying from the beginning. Can I get a witness? Yes, trans emergence is all and nothing at once. This is the emergent archetype, because it transcends and includes yin and yang. It transcends and includes masculine and feminine. It transcends and includes all duality. It represents infinite possibility, a fungi with 23,000 genders. That's what's possible in the Trans Emergent archetype.
And so I guess you could say, well, that fungi has been here the whole time. Is it really a new archetype? And I think yes, it is, because of the human element. Never before has it been materialized in a human vessel. This is the new level. This is welcome to the next level, enabled by technology embodied and intellectually aware of it. Oh, maybe this is part of it, part of trans emergence, is not only the ability to embody transcending duality, but to also understand it. That's it. I think the ability to perceive it as well as to be it, that's the emergence. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I think that's it, and that's why the mushrooms need us. Because on the one hand, they are the divine intelligence and they are everything, but on the other hand, they don't have voice boxes and computers, and so they have to manifest us to make things come forward for them. So I do think they've been running the show the whole time, dude. So maybe we're just mushroom puppets, but it's still evolution. Whoever's running the show, whether it's the mycelial network or planetary archetypes or a dude with a white beard, who the fuck knows? Who am I to say it's not?
The point is that it's evolving towards something, and yet time isn't linear, so I wonder where the cycle ends and what it means when it begins again, I think maybe another dimension, and maybe we then ascend into the DMT realm completely, and then, instead of just dipping in, I think maybe we ascend into that realm completely, what we transcend and include. So we take the serotonin model with us, but then we also have the ability to live in the night world, the dream world, the world where we're not bound by time. I think transcending time is part of it, time and space, and that's why the internet, because neither of those things necessarily matter within that framework.
The eschaton is the ability to live in the DMT realm. But if we transcend and include, does that mean we take our bodies into the DMT realm? I feel like it would mean that, that's interesting. I wonder how that would even work. Yeah, maybe, I mean, we can't conceive of it because it hasn't happened yet. But maybe that's the eschaton. Maybe that's the next dimension. Is somehow the ability to take a material body into the DMT world, dude, I think that's it. I
