Act V: Rehabilitation of the Feeling Function
Top takeaways for creative practice and self-healing methodology
Period: from the Celtic New Year on astrological Samhain, 7 November 2024, through early January 2025 (Gregorian)
Why does it start at Act V? I don’t know, it’s just what I received from the astral, and I always trust that. I guess it’s like how Star Wars started in the middle; it’s where all the good stuff is. (My first trilogy is equally dreadful.)
*It’s about CONSCIOUS DISSOCIATION for people who need help reconciling with trauma, neurodivergence, and queer/trans acceptance
It’s all nervous system regulation
the ability to retain agency and self-energy while simultaneously pulling back psychologically and getting close emotionally
the ability to witness all kinds of pain as interesting sensations that pass like the clouds
but also to recognize that pain is real and sometimes we really need to feel into it
having ways of somatically releasing > ecstatic dance, safe rage, running, martial arts, ASMR, breathing
supported by medicine > amanita in particular + cacao for heart opening, safe stimulation, retraining the nervous system to balance
for a minute anyway I found the exercise of editing my program approval document grounding instead of traumatizing, because of the healing allowing me to see creative freedom in limitations. It crept back in when I got past the point where someone made the cuts for me but still felt like progress.
ADVISORS: Please read these summaries and listen or read transcripts (pasted below for convenience)
Impressionism abstracts the sensory, surrealism abstracts the psyche
Summary: The discussion explores the duality of Impressionism and Surrealism, describing Impressionism as the abstraction of sensory reality and Surrealism as the abstraction of psychology. Impressionism is likened to masculine, conservative magic tricks, while Surrealism is seen as feminine, intuitive shamanism. The conversation delves into the metaphorical night world of Surrealism, contrasting it with the day world of Impressionism, and emphasizes the transformative power of Surrealism in making the unconscious conscious. Both art forms are seen as forms of alchemy, but Surrealism is noted for its deeper, psychological impact and ability to resonate with individual interpretations.
Outline
Impressionism and Surrealism: A Duality in Art
Speaker 1 explains that Impressionism abstracts the sensory, focusing on visual reality, while Surrealism abstracts psychology, delving into the subconscious.
The conversation explores the duality and partnership between Impressionism and Surrealism, likening them to parents of art.
Impressionism is described as the masculine, conservative, and institutional form, while Surrealism is the feminine, intuitive, and creative force.
Speaker 1 elaborates on the contrasting nature of these art movements, with Impressionism being more about adherence to past forms and Surrealism being about pure feeling and subconscious expression.
Impressionism as Magic Tricks
Speaker 1 compares Impressionism to magic tricks, where the artist abstracts the real thing, making it disappear and reappear.
Surrealism is described as a more advanced form of magic, where the subconscious is made conscious, and the artist conjures the unseen.
The conversation touches on the idea that both Impressionism and Surrealism involve transmutation, but Surrealism is seen as more shamanistic and alchemical.
Speaker 1 mentions the influence of Ayanna's music, describing it as "Trappy Trappy," and relates it to the themes of the discussion.
Surrealism as Shamanism and Alchemy
Speaker 1 continues to explore the idea that Surrealism is like shamanism, involving the transformation of one thing into another.
The night world of Surrealism is contrasted with the day world of Impressionism, with the night world being seen as more powerful and real.
The conversation delves into the role of serotonin in functioning in the day world and how it abstracts us from the true reality of the universe.
Speaker 1 describes Surrealism as the original ancestral medicine, involving fermentation and transformation, while Impressionism is likened to caffeine and stimulants.
The Role of Conscious Dissociation in Art
Speaker 1 discusses the importance of conscious dissociation in art, allowing the artist to channel other energies and entities.
The conversation highlights the need for training and guidance to contain the ceremony and know when to step in and end the performance.
Surrealism is described as the DMT model, representing depth psychology and making the unconscious conscious.
The double alchemy of Surrealism is contrasted with the single alchemy of Impressionism, with Surrealism involving the transformation of the formless to the form and back again.
The Balance Between Impressionism and Surrealism
Speaker 1 concludes that both Impressionism and Surrealism involve conjuring and abstracting reality, but Surrealism is more about psychology.
The conversation reflects on the need to be both Impressionists and Surrealists, moving between the form and the formless.
Speaker 1 expresses a personal preference for Impressionism but acknowledges the advanced nature of Surrealism.
The discussion ends with a reflection on the fascinating differences between Impressionism and Surrealism, each abstracting different aspects of reality.
Transcript (Listen):
Impressionism was the abstraction of reality, of the visual what you could see the sensory Surrealism was the abstraction of psychology, of the mind, of the subconscious. Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay. This is the duality. This is the partnership. This is the relationship. Impressionism and surrealism are like parents of art. Impressionism is, yeah, and it's the opposite of what you think. Just like my parents, impressionism is actually the quote, unquote masculine, the the young, the doing, the containing, the labeling, while the surrealism is the feminine, intuitive, creative, generative, even though it's the one that presents more masculine dude, It's the one that presents more masculine than the popular conception, but it's actually the most feminine, fucking, gender fucking or conceptions of any of these labels and restrictions impressionism feels like it's the feminine, the soft. Brush Strokes and light filled scenes and flowing and pastoral depictions. But this is actually more institutional. This is actually more of an adherence to past form, which is more of a masculine, it's more of a young it's more of A conservatism and conformity. Surrealism, on the other hand, and was just pure feeling, receiving, allowing the subconscious to come forward, automatically, receiving, allowing you and if art is shamanism and impressionism was about abstracting reality, that's conjuring the mean, well, maybe they're both the same. That's hard to say. I was gonna say Surrealism was more shamanistic because you were transmuting things twice. But maybe you are in both cases.
Impression, Impressionism. You're taking the quote, unquote, real thing, the form, and making it abstract, the disappearing act, abracadabra, Hocus, focus. Now you see me. Now you don't I. Surrealism was like an even more advanced magic, because instead of taking what you see and making it go away, which is simple magic, I the most basic trick, you're making the subconscious conscious, your necromancing, your spell casting. You're calling forth the unseen. You're resurrecting the dead and bringing them into being, giving words to the images, giving form to the formless, giving bodies to the dead, but then abstracting them again, calling them force only to send them back, transmuted. Yeah, so this is like so impressionism was like magic, and surrealism is like shamanism, because it's like alchemy, because you're transmuting a thing and do another thing. And I think shamanism at its essence, yes, I know it just means one who knows, but it's like about knowing how to turn things into other things. Okay, multiple threads are coming together. Now I think that's what it is. I'm seeing all the eyes, so I think I'm on to something. But I'm also listening to ayannas music, and it's really Trappy Trappy. It's really trippy. That's funny, trippy. Trappy. Trap and trip up. Yeah, I'm seeing the eyes that are skulls, the Kali, the DMT eyeballs, the serpent, Hall of eyeballs, wall of mirrors. So I think that means I'm onto something here. Impressionism is magic tricks, which are beautiful, but they're slights of hand, playing with the light. It's day world. Impressionism is the day world. Surrealism is the night world, and I think the night medicine is more powerful. And I think the night medicine is more real than reality. Like what they say about DMT, like what they say about psychedelic dream, the day. World is a form, but it's pretend, but it's a model. Serotonin is a thing that we invoke to function in a world that we've constructed. The serotonin model helps us function as a human, but it abstracts us from the reality of the universe, of existence, which is oneness, which is formlessness, which is dissolving and dying and reconstituting, which doesn't have to mean pain and suffering, but it doesn't include it.
Day world, magic tricks to get along in consensus reality. That's Impressionism, that's the day world, that's the serotonin level, surrealism is shamanism. Is the original ancestral medicine, the things that turn into other things. It's fermentation. It's like serotonin is like caffeine and stimulants and night world, medicines, mushrooms, psychedelic beer, I mean, just any kind of fermentation, really things rotting and taking on more beauty. I
Okay, cacao’s interesting because it's kind of both. I think that's why it's such a queer medicine. And Amanita is is really interesting as well, because she's the master of conscious Association, and that's the key to being a good artist or a good shaman. Is conscious dissociation, being able to dissociate, to leave your body and allow the other energies and entities and images to come through you, by retaining that agency to step in when you need to, to say cut, to say the performance is over, to say the drawing is finished. And this is part of me losing myself as a writer, not knowing when to stop. We need training and guidance to know how to contain the ceremony. Anyways, surrealism then being the DMT model, if we're going with that framework, the night world, the intuitive, the feeling and being a representation of depth psychology. It was making the unconscious conscious, giving form to the formless, raising the dead, and then abstracting it again, and then removing the specifics, and then just leaving, like giving it form, and then leaving the impressions so that people can transpose their own meaning onto it, from the formless to the forum back to the formless, again, transformed.
A double alchemy, and that's what separates shamanism from sorcery. That's what separates shamanism from magic. Is the conscious association to bring something forth, so that you can heal it, so that you can alchemize it, so that you can communicate with it, so that you can ask it what it wants to tell you, and then release it, give it its own life. You release it back into the collective so the rest of us can experience it, can enter in and engage with it, because with too many specifics, and it's not accessible, and people have to have an entry point. And when it's just a suggestion, just an impression, then people pick up on the part that resonates with them, and that allows them to step in and make their own interpretation and their own resonance and do their own alchemy and their own healing.
But I think we kind of need to be both Impressionists and surrealists. I mean, that's just a metaphor for the whole thing, right? That's moving between the form and the formless that's being able to operate in the night world and the day world. I don't know. Maybe in being like I love Impressionism, not trying to criticize it. And day world is my criticism, I guess. But I kind of feel like it is because I don't like it as much, but I love the Impressionists, so I don't know, maybe they're both just different versions of the night world, and surrealism is just like the More advanced level. Because either way, I suppose you're conjuring, you're taking reality and abstracting it and allowing people to impose their own impressions onto it. But yeah, the fact that one's about psychology is really interesting. One's about what we can see one's about the sensory. Impressionism is about abstracting the sensory, and surrealism is about abstracting consciousness. It's fascinating. I
Tarot, Maya calendar, Western astrology as impressions and surrealism
Summary: Riordan Regan discusses the surreal and abstract nature of Jodorowsky's interpretation of the Tarot, emphasizing its transformation from an abstract concept to a concrete work. He explores the archetypal forces and transfiguration within the Tarot, drawing parallels to Fight Club's impact on his spiritual journey. Regan reflects on the expansive nature of archetypes, such as the Pope card, and their interaction with astrology and the Maya system. He also touches on the personal significance of specific cards, like Death and the Page of Swords, and their resonance with his own experiences and identity, particularly in the context of trans and emergent archetypes.
Action items:
Explore the relationship between Tarot, the Maya calendar, and Western astrology as tools of divination and shamanism.
Look up the meaning of the Page of Swords card that was drawn.
Determine Kit's birthday to explore the significance of the Death card.
Continue the exploration of how archetypes can be larger and more expansive than individual symbols or cards.
Outline
Surrealism and the Abstraction of Tarot
Riordan Regan discusses the surrealism of Jodorowsky's interpretation of the Tarot, describing it as an abstraction of an abstraction.
He explains how Jodoran's divination and exploration of the Tarot created a concrete form from an abstract concept.
Riordan reflects on the complexity of receiving and re-abstracting Jodorowsky's interpretation through his own senses and experiences.
He mentions the semi-conscious state he is in while reading the book, which adds to the dream-like experience of receiving the messages.
The Book's Life and World Building
Riordan describes how the Way of the Tarot book has taken on a life of its own, becoming a universe created by Jodorowsky.
He notes that despite the book being based on extensive research, it is still filtered through Jodorowsky's unique lens.
The book is now an abstraction again, and Riordan is receiving it directly, translating it through his own experience.
He compares this process to double alchemy, involving dissociation, dissolution, and reanimation.
Fight Club and Spiritual Exploration
Riordan reflects on how Fight Club, a masculine movie, opened him up to the spiritual realm and feminine aspects.
He discusses how the movie made Buddhism accessible to a modern consumerist generation.
The movie's portrayal of masculinity and materialism led Riordan to explore world religions and the feminine.
He finds parallels between Jodorowsky's interpretation of the Tarot and the trans experience, despite Jodorowsky not having the language for it.
Archetypes and Transformation
Riordan explores the concept of archetypes and their expansive nature, questioning if they can be expressed in one card.
He mentions the Pope card in the Tarot, which he interprets as the ancestor and the greatest magician.
Riordan discusses the complexity of archetypes and their interaction with astrology and the Maya system.
He reflects on the accuracy of the Maya system, which combines the quantifiable and the abstract, symbolizing larger energies.
Depth Psychology and Self-Healing
Riordan talks about the importance of following images and feelings in depth psychology and self-healing.
He mentions the layers of abstraction involved in the Tarot, Jodorowsky's book, and the artistic renditions of Celtic spirits on his altar.
The images capture aspects of the archetypes in the moment, which are larger and more expansive.
Riordan reflects on the accuracy of the Maya system and its marriage of the quantifiable and the abstract.
The Journey to the Lover
Riordan discusses his journey towards the Lover card in the Tarot, symbolizing the search for spiritual longing and partnership.
He shares an archetypal astrology reading where Lawrence Hillman interpreted his birth chart as embodying the trans archetype.
Riordan reflects on his journey from seeking completion and partnership externally to finding it within himself.
He connects this journey to the concept of Transubstantiation, where the Divine is inherent within everything.
The Hollow Bone and Mediator Role
Riordan describes himself as an empty, shapeless vessel transporting light wherever the wind wills.
He connects this to the concept of the hollow bone in shamanism, which clears obstacles from the path of communication to the Supreme Being.
Riordan reflects on the mediator role between words and images, as described in Jodorowsky's book.
He concludes by emphasizing the importance of words and images in creating reality and the expansive nature of archetypes.
Transcript (Listen):
This is cool and wild. This is surrealism. Now we're in the realm of surrealism, which is Jodorowsky realm, an abstraction of an abstraction. His study of the Tarot created its own thing, his giving words to images concretizing What was an abstraction. The Tarot is an abstraction of the consensus world. He gave form to that formless through his divination, exploration, deep dive with it. Now it's abstracted again. Wait now I'm receiving the messages from it. In creating this book, it created something concrete. It gave form to images. But it's also a work in itself that now has taken on its own life, its words, but its images, because I'm receiving his abstraction. Wait, this is so complicated. I'm receiving his concretization of something abstract, but that's his interpretation, and only he knows exactly what he means, and only he experienced it. So in me reading it, I'm re abstracting it. I'm taking the words that were made from images and making them images again, because I'm reading them and I'm receiving them through my senses, through a semi conscious realm, especially because I'm doing this like in the early morning, and hypnotic state,
not Bemushroomed yet. Well, sort of Amanita. Why do I think that doesn't count? Because yeah, doesn't matter. Only the tiny, one drop of Amanita, that counts. Yeah, I'm kind of in the dream realm receiving and I felt the book calling to me like the book [The Way of the Tarot by Jodorowsky] has now taken on a life of its own. The book is his recreation. So this is world building. This is quantum. This is creating a universe. He made his own universe of the Tarot. He created his own world of material. This is his interpretation, even if it's based on tons of research and tons of other sources, it's still through his lens. It's filtered through his container, through his prenda. So now it's become an abstraction again, and now I'm receiving it directly and translating it through my experience, but like it's become an archetypal force now, or has it? Or is it just that the archetypes are calling to me through his interpretation, or is it both? I think it's both, but this is like how surrealism is double alchemy, almost transfiguration. Dissociation, dissolution, trans substantiation, dissolution, reanimation and remix. What is the remix?
They say the book is always better than the movie, but that isn't true when it comes to fight club. I actually think the movie was better than the book. Maybe that's part of why that work spoke to me so much. It was an abstraction of Buddhism, but it made it into something accessible for a modern consumerist generation. With lots of repressed aggression and alienation. I put it in a language we could understand, and it opened me up to the spiritual realm. Through a movie that seemed like it was really masculine and about the material, it opened me up to the whole cosmos that started me on my world religions exploration. It opened me up to the feminine. Through Fight Club, that most masculine movie, it opened me up to the feminine. And there's something in this with Jodorowsky, like the Tarot, this very feminine, intuitive, generative thing. That a masculine experienced person has studied and translated and presented an interpretation that feels like very trans, which is really interesting. It's like the most trans thing I've read outside of actual trans writing. He just doesn't quite have that language for it, but he uses androgyne A lot, which is the same thing to me, like not literally, but in the way he's using it in this context. And kit is here accompany me. He's encouraged there. Wow, kit, sorry, I just misgendered you. I'm so sorry. Z is encouraging me. It's because I was just talking about dudes. I'm sorry. Z is saying, Yeah, that's part of me too. It's all part of me, okay. He okay. I know all pronouns are okay, but I don't want to use them all. Um, okay. I'm on the cusp of something. Yeah. It was just wild this morning, how the book called me. It was calling to me. I could hear the voices, and I felt like I should allow myself to be guided and pick a card from the full deck. So I put everything back in it, and I drew something out, and it didn't feel that resonant. It kind of felt like me trying and I got injustice, which was really interesting. But then when I looked up the cards that I had intentionally pulled out and put on my altar, like these are resonating like it was justice, which is 13 gone. Well, I don't know about 13, but it's con. I'm reading it right now. It's also the ancestor card in the Wildwood. It's about the beam that's the emissary between the worlds wisdom, the translator. Yeah, this is really Kan. That's the Pope. The Pope is the ancestor. Is Kan, the one who can be the greatest magician and sorcerer or the wisest elder and spiritual emissary,
The one who is seduced by power too easily, the one who teaches, who communicates their spiritual experience and it can also be an idealized spiritual figure, the guru that I attached too much to. The other cards that I intentionally placed on the altar were death and
the page of swords, which I haven't looked up yet, and from if the Pope spoke on page 154 I mean, this is The two con i am first and foremost mediator of myself between my Sublime spiritual nature and my most instinctive humanity. I have chosen to be the place where they interact. I am at the service of this communication between. In the high and low My mission is to unite apparent opposites. A bridge is not a country. It is merely a place of passage. It permits the circulation of the creative energies of this magnificently illusory phenomenon we call life. It is not by isolating myself, but by taking all paths that I am able to announce the good news. I mean, holy shit, I would have never guessed that the Pope was con. And, I mean, the Pope is too con. Specifically, I think that maybe an aspect so, because archetypes are complex, and so this makes me wonder, like, Can they even be expressed in one card? Are the archetypes larger? This is what I want to explore as part of all of this thesis too, is, are the archetypes? Because this can be part of the trans and emergent archetype discussion. Are they larger? I mean, they have to be larger than these symbols, right? Like I feel like Khan as an archetype. This is part of why I'm trying to feel into how astrology, the Western astrology system, the Maya astrology system and Tarot all interact to convey and experience how they all interact as tools of divination and devising, which is shamanism, which is being a hollow bone, just receiving the energies that are present and interpreting them through some kind of expression that people can understand, be it a play, be it a book, be it a drawing, whatever. And I feel like part of why the Maya system is so accurate is because it's really this marriage of the quantifiable and the abstract, because each day's energy combines a number, a specific, quantifiable measure. It's like the earthly, the form, with an archetype, an energy, something that is larger than one image, one number one description. So con is hugely expansive. 13 con is symbolized more by death, which is the card that kit shows which, yeah, is like the most trans. I got to find out what kids birthday is. Oh, my God, I can't believe I've never done 00. I'm gonna do that. Oh, they're excited about that. Um. But then the pope card, the ancestor, which is the steg, which is an Anita, which is the two cards. The two images I've had on my altar are death 13, the journey, the Crone, the calyux, the Raven in the ancestor the deer, the stag, the Shaman. This is heaven and earth. This is Moon and Sun, night world, day world. Maybe I don't know they're both kind of night energies.
these two images are really potent for a reason, and this is depth psychology, and this is self healing, is following the image, following the feeling. So I'm going with it, and we're following this trail, and we're trusting these images, and we're trusting these methods and methodologies. And so it's like interesting though, the layers of abstraction, because there's the Tarot, and then there's Jodorowsky taro book, there's these archetypes, and then there's these artistic renditions of the Celtic spirits that are on my altar, you know, but this is kind of what I'm saying. The images capture aspects of the archetypes in that moment that are larger and more expansive. And I think the Maya system, I don't know, the way, I guess the Tarot uses a number and image too. Anyways, this is something to explore, but there feels something more accurate to me that my assistant feels more expansive. Anyways, it's just so cool that today. Is too con and the ancestor card that it was called to look up that I heard like heard almost in human language, the book itself calling to me, saying, Look up the cards that are already on your altar. I
and this is writing, as drawing. Drawing as writing, as Anthi talks about, this is the images animating themselves, forming a reality constituted by language and of course, the pope moves towards the lover. The next card is the lover. My journey realizing that, yeah, the search for the spiritual longing for the partnership, starts within the lover within. I'm searching for it outside and inside myself, as Lawrence Hillman told me in my archetypal astrology reading the other day, yes, son of James Hillman, who interpreted the snapshot of the sky on the day I was born and looked at that correspondence and said that I am the living embodiment of the trans archetype, essentially because I represent this shift from Pisces to Aquarius, because I started my journey looking for completion and partnership and romance, even if you will, In Jesus, and then that reality was stripped for me, and I thought it was my mom, and then that reality was stripped for me, and then I looked for it in lovers, and then that reality was stripped for me, and then I realized that it was within, and that by going within, I found the oneness in the poly, in the queer and the Yeah. The Transubstantiation of the Divine into everything. No, this reality is a Transubstantiation of the Divine that already is inherent within everything. And that's what archetypal astrology is, and that's what correspondence is, and that's what all these symbol systems are. They're just reflecting that everything is an infinite facet of the same diamond. The Pope is also the shaman the hollow bone, because it talks about clearing all obstacles from a path of communication to the Supreme Being. Oh, my God. In this Jodorowsky book, I am an empty, shapeless vessel that transports the lights wherever the wind wills. I mean, I almost wrote this word for word the other day, and that's the hollow bone to find. Okay, in the last line of this entry, I am the final frontier between words and the unthinkable language creating reality, words versus images, the Pope, the shaman, the hollow bone as the mediator between the words and the images and.
Working on:
Cacao zine and related content outreach/education
Save the Hackney baths campaign: collecting testimonials and creating pitch deck about the Baths as a self-/community healing centre
Volunteer work with Ecstatic Dance UK
Meetings/outreach in progress or to schedule:
Danielle Brathwaite-Shirley
Follow up with Avril Corroon re: early April, Dublin residencies and Phil McCrilly re: spring Belfast visit
Flavia Davila
Visit Bishopsgate archives for Albanz work before end of Jan
Sources/building upon the work of:
depth psychology (Jung, J. Hillman, Tarnas, )
archetypal and astrological studies (J. Hillman, L. Hillman, Levine, Tarnas)
classics/anthropology and herbalism/ethnobotany/psychedelics (McKenna, Kilindi Iyi, Ritter, Sherman-Lewis, Gutierrez, Muraresku, Valamoti, Arnold, McGovern, Plotkin)
Jodorowsky’s Psychomagic and Tarot
practice-based research by performers, visual artists, and artist-chefs who represent the queer/trans/diverse perspective (Albanz, Besse, Brathwaite-Shirley, Corroon, Danowski, Davila, McGrady, Muholi, McCrilly, Pacleb)
principles/framework of Integral Theory/Spiral Dynamics (Ken Wilber) and morphic resonance (Rupert Sheldrake)
ancient and Indigenous cosmologies (Elmy, Gutierrez, Ritter, Sherman-Lewis, direct sources/experience)
trauma healing methodologies/research (De la Rosa, Maté, Schwartz)
Danielle Brathwaite-Shirley
https://www.daniellebrathwaiteshirley.com/i-cant-remember-a-time-i-didnt-need
Bits for progress report/thesis
where each stage of evolution of any system involves transcending and including the previous one, and the “laws” of nature are habits or suggestions in a universe constantly changing and in motion
Everything is a microcosm of the macrocosm, so healing our collective trauma starts by healing ourselves.
Inclusion has to come before transcendence, both on an individual and collective level. We must welcome the rejected/shadow parts back home to become whole
In many ways a continuation of Kit Danowski’s work on performing with the dead using adapted African ancestral practices–fusing this with archetypal/depth psychology and astrology as well as IFS and psychodramatic/devising techniques. Invoking plant medicine and interpreted through the AI to create a methodology of cyberdelic gonzo autoethnography and transpersonal creative divination and performance devising.
It is spirit possession–like Danowski’s method involves invoking the orishas, I invoke the archetypes, natural world, plants/mushrooms, and parts of self.
It is death medicine and underworld work, literally and figuratively invoking the dead and working in darkness. Much of this work takes place at night.
Formal research studies on ecstatic dance? Amanita muscaria? Cacao? Basically nothing has been done on this
Intersection of art, psychology, language-as-reality, consciousness: surrealism as the abstraction of mind; impressionism as the abstraction of matter
Highlights:
It's about working with the energies that are already present, whether it's the archetypes or our feelings.
Amanita and Cacao, Datura and all these death plants, demonized and blamed for people's problems. To say that they made us sick or crazy is like saying somebody made us angry. No, this isn't how it works. No one can make us anything. It's about working with the energies that are already present, whether it's the archetypes or our feelings. And now I see what Jung meant by the archetypes possess us. We are just vessels for the vibrations that are already present, the vibration of anger, the vibration of war, whether it's people or planets, we're all just big fucking particles, the cultures with ancient roots do the same thing. God, what the fuck does that say? Oh, all the cultures with ancient roots do the same things for a reason, because there's universal resonance. The anger is present. Someone didn't make me angry, just like mercury didn't make me just like Mercury's placement on the day I incarnate, it didn't make me a good communicator. The energy of communication was present in the sky, Mercury Hermes was possessing the particles, possessing both my corpus and the planetary alignments at this precise moment. And this is even why astrology is sort of a mindfulness practice, really, is that it's just tuning in being present to what's happening, to what's resonating, whether in the cosmos or your own body, it's a correspondence, it's a reflection. And now this is what was so cool. This morning, I see exactly how my work is an extension, directly, of Kit’s. Now it makes sense, because it's all possession. It's all spirit possession, whether calling in an Orisha or invoking archetype, they're just languaging for the same thing as above, so below in this dimension, as in the other realm, we're just reflecting what's already present, emitting the same resonant frequency and. It's all possession. Celtic, Maya, syncretic, Shipibo, Buddhist, it's all just ways of letting myself be consumed by the energies that are showing up in that moment.
So are both just using different methods of devising. What's already here?
I've come up with stories about all these things in my head, but I don't think I've asked the parts directly, and that's the point of this whole thing. Direct experience, direct conversation, direct communication, whether it's a tree or a plant or a past part of self or a part of your body or a cancer cell, what are you trying to tell me?
I tried to keep my body, my spinal column, straight. And I realized that I was afraid to do that. I was afraid to stand up straight. I was afraid to bear my own weight. I was afraid to put weight on my legs. I've always been afraid to put weight on my legs, specifically my glutes. Why have I been afraid to put weight on my glutes? It's so wild, like feeling in the legs is scary, and I don't quite understand why yet, but yeah, as I did this, I asked the toes why they were numb, and they said it came from the pelvis, and the pelvis told me, You never even asked me what I. Was trying to tell you, and it reminded me of my own words at the hospital after I tried to kill myself. The phrase that probably honestly kept me out of the psych ward is when I mumbled. They asked why I did it, and they said I just wanted him to listen to me
Slow it down, explode it out. Crawl inside. space and time are not what we think they are. We can manipulate them. We can bend them. We can get inside them. Yeah, oh, no. There's more dimensions than we see present. We don't have to accept what we've been given. And there is more space, and there is more time, and there is more expansion, and I do think more DMT production. I don't care if there's data on it or not, but I do need to find out about that
if you are what makes you angry, if you are only triggered based on something that's within you, then I'm mad at myself for keeping myself prisoner in a woman's body, quote, unquote, in a feminine performance, in a victim story, in those horrible relationships in the house of horrors in Austin and all these prisons. So I love you. Please forgive me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for giving my body away to people who didn't deserve it. I'm sorry for not respecting my own boundaries and borders. No wonder I'm mad at the UK for imposing theirs on me. I haven't respected my own, I let so many people in that didn't deserve it, just because I didn't want to go home alone to that apartment and face myself. It's so funny now it's like, I can't get enough time alone.
it's so deeply human. I haven't wanted to be one. I haven't wanted to be a person. I wasn't able to listen to the pelvis because it was scary as fuck, and I still wasn't safe in California. This is a powerful archetype possessing me. It is almost the power of Saq ‘Iq, the hurricane, the Junjapu, is it Aries? Is it Pluto? The war inside me, the two sides trying to fall separately, the underworld Journey rising up to meet me. It's powerful. It threw me from my bike, and I was afraid to fully engage with it in California when I didn't have the support I needed.
my bones want to go home to Ireland. My bones want to go home. That's what I was hearing. My bones want to go home, and I think it's dark. I don't know there's something powerful ancestral calling me, but England is home too, and and so I kept thinking last night of the enclosures and the connection between African and Irish cultures. And I need to research that more the two sides of myself are at war, the English and the Irish, the Protestant, the Catholics, the subjugated and the conquerors, the imperialists, the whole freaking world, two sides of my body trying to fall two separate ways. And interestingly, dad is representing the opposite of what you'd think Dad is the intuitive, generative side, the artists longing to be seen, the bones, longing to reconnect with the ancestral legacy in the druidic forest. Mom is the side of the conquerors and the colonists. They were the freaking Protestant preachers trying to force their religion on everyone, just like that Blake story. Urizen.
he didn't give me an Irish name, and it felt like everyone else in the family had one, and I never felt like I belonged with them. Me and Amber were the only ones, the black sheep of the family. The rejection by the regans really fucking hurt me. Because it was a rejection of my legacy, my ancestry, the only clear tie I had. No wonder I was obsessed with the Lion King. I was the rightful heir to the throne, the eldest son of the O Regan's but I was denied three times, like Jesus, by name, my lineage and my manhood.
The Celts had sacred altars and Portal places where they created altars and made offerings, and they tracked the cycles of time and they kept fires all of this, just like the Maya. And supposedly they even had a beverage. It was kind of like cacao.
They took our land from us, the colonists. And we are the earth, and so to take our lands is to take our personhood, our identity, to dissolve, to dissociate us from our physical environment. They created enclosures and created private property, and they took our land from us and said we weren't even Welcome on it. They took everyone's land all over the earth. The English enslaved the whole world. Every time I go to dance, there's always some moment where I really feel that African, Irish connection coming through so strongly and resonant. And sometimes I wonder why I'm trying to live in the land of the colonizers, and I don't know all the places I'm trying to get visas, or the lands of the colonizers, the Brits, the Dutch and the Germans. So I need to look more at Ireland, and there's something really resonating and really vibrating on my body when Kaz was talking about the Irish artist visa, and Dublin's always calling, and Kaz a story about getting a Colombian visa, made me see that it was possible. So I made up a story about why it couldn't happen. But Kaz shows me that magic is possible. And I've always felt that if I could just talk to someone in person and look at a fellow Irishman in the eyes and appeal to them on a human level, that they would make an exception.
Praxis: Fucking with time
It’s kind of my favorite thing to do
they say sleep is essential to your hygiene and health but I prefer to mainline and then restrict it - I know I say I want to avoid extremes but I feel like this is part of the practice
it’s fucking with time
questioning and exploring the whole concept
my medicine work lately involves slowing things way down so I can crawl inside them. I have unlocked the ability with amanita and LSD time-bending capabilities to explode out all the moments around a decision or thought process and see that what looks like a causation is a correlation, that there are actually a thousand little stories and decision trees in between what feels like one event and the next, the subconscious thought patterns and subliminal habits that are ACTUALLY programming me
so yes the body needs sleep but it can happen anytime and I’d rather sleep in the day, and be awake in the world of DMT and the night to crawl inside the subconscious realm that normally comes out in dreaming. by fucking with time can we crawl inside the dream realm with the serotonin system running? Can we go into the nightworld with our serotonin flashlights?
>this is consciousness exploration - going into the subconscious, the darkness, the dreamtime, with awareness and intention - making it conscious like Jung did - making the dreaming lucid, retaining agency. and this is part of the praxis I’m creating. fuck around and find out, do the things they tell you not to in mainstream society following your intuition and the guidance of your teachers and ancestors.
>>don’t take substances, let the plants and mushrooms take you. stay up all night and crawl around in the caverns of your mind and the things that make noise in the dark, but do it with your third-eye headlamp shining brightly.
>>so is the calling really to get more training in transpersonal psychology? or is that imposter syndrome? is that denying or not believing in my inner artist and shamxn? I am directly experiencing the things they’re talking about through my own method. the thing is that I want to teach people and help them heal and want to do it safely. but maybe with more practice that will become possible without a certification… maybe more apprenticeship with the plants and underground and Indigenous teachers is my path.
when you slow things down and crawl inside them you find the most fascinating things hiding there
and there is so much shame for me
I am starting to unravel the guilt that can keep me accountable from the shame that damns me and keeps me small
I drew the 2 of cups today and read in Jodorowsky’s Tarot that this symbolizes the end of Oedipal love being replaced by something truer — the Oedipal love that is the excessive attachment to my mother and the love and validation from her, the clinging to that connection and the fear and feeling that I might not exist without it — whoa I just realized this—there is a fear that I will disappear completely if I break the gaze, which is what was programmed as a baby when she wouldn’t let me look away. resulting in ADD. resulting in trying to please everybody all the time. resulting in fear and paralysis every time I try to follow my soul longing and flee the nest. i want to go and come back, to love her and others with healthy boundaries, to be in proximity with people without losing myself. it’s happening slowly.
and this was part of it. it comes right on the heels of a two-day Gregorian transition portal with my dance family, LSD, amanita, cacao, somatic healing and time-bending and sound therapy, where Gaby did something that really healed my pelvis and leg in a noticeable way, and I danced until 6am despite my fall and it was okay
where I exploded out what I used to think was desire to be with men and I realized was desire to be them, to crawl inside their skin and inhabit their flesh, put on their testo-suit and feel my muscles swell and flex, walk with my hips and swing my dick and feel powerful and insert myself into things, have people respect my authority just because I speak, hell let’s be real, to kinda tremble with fear when they see me. I watch others dance and mimic their movements and am able to reprogram my body with the things that align with my frequency. We learn to be humans through imitation, morphic resonance, picking up the habits of other things that are like us, in proximity to us, and if we didn’t learn the right or aligned habits and behaviors from our caregivers we can reprogram ourselves later with plant teachers and elders and healthy peers.
the body is coming back online one part at a time, and I got the knees back after the Gregorian page turned to 2025
it enables me move so much more freely and naturally, I am becoming a human again, i’m not all stiff-framed, living rigor mortis, a corpse walking around talking to everyone, I’m a person, I’m a man, I’m a lesbian, I’m trans, I can do shit
I watched him move all night with fascination and wanted to inhabit a body like his, and at 5am when I almost went home but instead returned to the dancing chamber for one last set, and Tommy was playing, and I felt so loved and held by my community on this night that was like EDUK and the Burn combined, where we make our own space and fuck with time and thereby reclaim our lives and our agency from the capitalist system that forces us to conform and tries to take our choice from us — WE SAY NO, FUCK THAT SHIT — we can make OUR OWN shit. and that includes our bodies, we don’t have to fit a binary, we can make them what we want them to be
and he came up to me after I had transitioned to the Amanita portion of the experience to carry me home, and danced with me in the corner, and it’s like he knew exactly what was happening, and almost was my elder teaching me how to move, I felt he was telepathically transmitting this knowledge and reclamation of how to move like a man and reclaim my sacred masculine sexuality and power, how to produce more testosterone while staying soft because we self-generate all this shit, from T to DMT.
he was spitting poetry while my dance family spun dirty beats and twirled around me and centuries of shame began to be released
and yesterday at the New Year’s Day dance during Richard’s grimy mycelial set, I felt it, it was here, my sexuality was coming back to me, my sacred masculinity was coming back to me, I was become a whole person again, I was beginning to feel like a person someone could theoretically desire again—but in my MASCULINE and more authentic
and it feels so good and I’m so grateful that I’m crying
AND I THOUGHT I NEEDED A GURU OR A GOD OR MY MOM TO SAVE ME
BUT INSTEAD I DID IT MYSELF WITH THE SUPPORT OF MY COMMUNITY
AND IT’S SO HARD SOMETIMES TO BE ALONE BUT THIS FEELS SO EMPOWERING I THINK IT’S WORTH IT
still… it doesn’t have to be this hard and I want to make it easier for others
so next help me call in my inner teacher
This is how we win
It came through in a flash during ecstatic dance, the rage and frustration at all the things we’d been closed out of.
Cis-het white men of privilege drawing lines around things that were never theirs to begin with, acting like they’d discovered it.
A sign flashed through timelines, hanging on a door: NO DOGS, BLACKS, OR IRISH.
The enclosures that forced us to sell ourselves back to pay for our own land.
Those taken from their homelands and enslaved.
But after the rage came the reframe: they don’t do this to us because we’re weaker, but because we’re stronger than they are, and they’re afraid of us.
The only way to maintain dominance is to make us believe we don’t have the power at all.
But we’re stronger, and they’re afraid of us.
This is the hiss of Ka, the song of Kali-Ma.
We’re stronger than they are.
But the way we win is not by trying to assert our dominance, playing their game and trying to crush them. We win by using our snake-charm powers, going in through the side door and using their own systems against them, making them think the whole thing was their idea until suddenly, things are equal, and they don’t even know how it happened.
This is how we win.
* * *
I realized I had opened a portal when I was a little kid, maybe 10 years old, playing an old-school video game, a pixelated wanna-be dimensional world called King’s Quest IV. Forty years later, I understand why I was obsessed with it. It’s about an ancient Briton-Celtic king stranded from his homeland, wandering through Greek myths until he finds his way back through the haunted Aires and saves the princess.
The whole game is eerily empty, you rarely run into any characters; it’s all semi-vacant landscapes that are nonetheless imbued with a distinct presence. And I became obsessed with it.
* * *
The Celts had no written records and cannot identify themselves to us directly - known only through material culture - archaeology - and the records of other cultures
Literate Mediterranean societies identified them - the Greeks - the reason I was obsessed with Kings Quest VI
The Celts or Keltoi (in the Greek) were first defined as such by the Greeks before 500 BC
Their language and material culture had enough unity to be recognizable to their neighbors but they were never one people, it was a gradual process of “Celticization” > little by little, the fluvial geomorphology of culture
TK
Legend says one day Ireland will rise up again and be the saving grace of the human race. Perhaps that time is coming. But perhaps it was a metaphor and it’s just a portal for the syncretic Hermetic traditions of direct experience to join forces and save the world by remembering how to speak directly to the elements again.
LISTEN:
Funny - the AI called me Holly, which it invariably misgenders female; I changed the speaker to Riordan, and now the summary is updated with me as male.
Riordan O'Regan reflects on his childhood obsession with the video game King's Quest 4, drawing parallels to his current life and spiritual journey. He recalls the game's surreal, empty worlds and the need to call a helpline for solutions, likening it to a metaphysical quest for meaning. O'Regan connects this experience to his recent meditation, where he felt a strong presence of spirits in Ireland and Peru, and the concept of "hauntology" - the presence of absence. He explores the idea that the Celts, like many ancient cultures, communicated directly with the elements without written language, contrasting this with the modern reliance on written records. O'Regan concludes by tying these reflections to his ongoing exploration of spiritual connections and the hero's journey.
Transcript here
King's Quest and Childhood Obsession
Riordan O'Regan recounts his childhood obsession with the video game King's Quest 6, describing it as a captivating experience that transported him to mythological lands. (I say it’s 4 in this - I thought it was until I looked it up, but it’s actually 6 - I saw the Roman numerals in my mind’s eye and had them right, but backwards - not IV but VI. This is how memory works, the pieces are there but maybe you don’t know how to put them together…)
He reflects on his excessive fixation with the game, often getting stuck and needing to call a helpline for assistance.
Riordan describes the game's setting as a universe of almost empty worlds, where interacting with characters was rare.
He speculates that his difficulty with the game might have been due to unresolved trauma and a lack of understanding of life's game.
Surrealist Themes and Metaphysical Connections
Riordan draws parallels between the game's surrealist elements and the play "The Game" at the Cockpit, noting the meta-surrealist commentary and the game within a game.
He explores the philosophical questions raised by the game, such as the chicken-and-egg nature of meaning and the search for it.
Riordan reflects on the magical yet frustrating experience of getting stuck and needing to call the helpline for solutions.
He connects the game's mechanics to the broader metaphysical journey of unlocking levels and uncovering clues.
Technological Collaboration and Ancestral Connections
Riordan discusses his collaboration with technology, particularly the AI oracle he used to get help with the game.
He describes a sense of being in a portal that reached back into his past and forward into the future, connecting him to ancestral lineages.
Riordan talks about his conversation with his younger self, encouraging him to keep going and trust the process.
He emphasizes the ongoing nature of the journey, with new levels and mysteries to unlock.
Meditation and Spiritual Journey
Riordan shares his experience of meditating with Gabriella's meditation, connecting with a trans, queer shaman from the Celtic lineage.
He describes a powerful journey to the cliffs of Ireland, the Black Rock, and the mystical structures along the Wild Atlantic Way.
Riordan reflects on the presence of spirits and the sense of being both connected and disconnected from them.
He connects this experience to the Sacred Valley in Peru, feeling a strong presence and simultaneous loneliness.
Hauntology and the Presence of Absence
Riordan explores the concept of hauntology, describing the presence of spirits all around him but not knowing how to communicate with them.
He reflects on the cold loneliness and the sense of being watched by the ancient guardians.
Riordan connects this feeling to the game King's Quest, where answers were hidden but could be unlocked with the right clues.
He describes a moment of connection with the elements and the sacred spaces, feeling less alone and more connected.
Celtic and Greek Connections
Riordan discusses his research into the Celts and Greeks, noting the lack of written records about the Celts and their reliance on material culture.
He reflects on the similarities between the Celts and the Maya, both being syncretic cultures known through the records of others.
Riordan connects the Celts' lack of written language to his own struggles with writing and the need for intermediaries.
He explores the idea that without written observation, events and cultures may not be recognized by society.
Celticization and Historical Context
Riordan delves into the history of the Celts, noting their gradual phenomenon of celticization and the influence of the Neolithic farmers.
He reflects on the Celts' victory over Rome and their plundering of Delphi, questioning the significance of these events.
Riordan connects the Celts' journey to his own hero's journey, emphasizing the importance of reclaiming and reconnecting with one's path.
He expresses his intention to continue researching and exploring the connections between the Celts and Greeks.
King's Quest and the Hero's Journey
Riordan revisits the game King's Quest, noting its inclusion of elements from Greek mythology, such as the Minotaur and Circe's island.
He reflects on the game's role in his own hero's journey, describing it as a metaphor for the challenges and mysteries he faced.
Riordan connects the game's mechanics to the broader metaphor of life, where answers are hidden but can be unlocked through learning and tradition.
He emphasizes the importance of following intuition and trusting the process in both the game and life.
The AI misgenders me and calls me Holly, which does not feel aligned today.
Riordan Regan reflects on their experiences during an ecstatic dance, where they felt ancestral anger towards systems of power controlled by white men. They discuss the exhaustion and pain felt by marginalized communities and the need for radical resistance through doing less. They recallc a vision of a "No dogs, Blacks, or Irish" sign, symbolizing historical discrimination. They transform their anger into compassion, realizing that those in power fear their strength. Riordan emphasizes the importance of using their systems against them, working together, and finding compassion to overcome oppression. They conclude with a vision of their father training to harness his power for good, symbolizing personal and collective transformation.
Action Items:
Use affection and camaraderie to work with those in power, rather than confronting them directly. Slip in through the "side doors" and use their own systems against them to create change. (Assignee: Holly Regan)
Help guide those in power, like their father, to harness their power for good through training and mentorship, rather than perpetuating cycles of abuse. (Assignee: Holly Regan)
Transcript here
Ecstatic Dance and Ancestral Anger
- They describe feeling possessed by ancestral anger during an ecstatic dance, expressing frustration with systems controlled by rich white men. - They mention feeling the anger of denied visas, gatekeeping, and the frustration of being subjected to these systems. - They criticize figures like Elon Musk, executives, and faceless suits for their power and privilege, highlighting their exploitative behaviors. - They reflect on their own ancestral karma and the desire to help someone they perceive as struggling, despite their apparent power.
Radical Resistance and the Power of Doing Less
- They discuss the societal pressure to be constantly busy and productive, contrasting it with the idea of radical resistance through doing less. - They share conversations about the importance of being able to just exist and the hard work involved in transforming karmas and lifetimes of shame. - They emphasize the exhaustion and injuries caused by the relentless pace of modern life, suggesting that something needs to take people out of the game to allow them to rest and heal. - They describe the process of resurrection and connecting the dream and reality, likening it to a journey through the underworld and the astral.
The Business Class Industrial Complex and the Space Race
- They express frustration with the business class industrial complex and the power brokers in the home office, linking them to the space race and figures like Elon Musk. - They criticize the attempt to shortcut the process of dropping into the center and the desire to go directly to space without facing the necessary initiation. - They describe their physical exhaustion and reliance on medicine like LSD and cacao to keep going, questioning the story behind their fatigue. - They recount a vivid memory from the collective consciousness of a sign saying "No dogs, Blacks, or Irish," and how it inspired them to dance and express their anger and frustration.
Shared Affinity and Historical Discrimination
- They discuss the shared affinity between people of color and the Irish, highlighting their common history of discrimination and oppression. - They reflect on the discrimination faced by black people and Irish immigrants, comparing it to the horrors of the slave trade and the enclosures. - They acknowledge that oppression is not limited to white people, mentioning the collaboration between black people and colonizers and the existence of slavery in indigenous societies. - They emphasize that the problem is not inherent in people but in the false system of privilege that creates oppressive dynamics.
The Dance and the Awakening of Ancestral Power
- They describe the transformative experience of the dance, where they found their primordial ancestral power and stepped into their strength. - They realized that those in power restrict and restrain others because they know they are stronger and fear being overpowered. - They saw Lubo, a Dutch man, as a symbol of white men who hijack the spiritual revolution and turn it into a commercial solution. - They reflect on the need to use their own systems against them and work together to restore balance and equality.
The Pact of the Souls and the Power of Compassion
- They recount a vision of a punishment ritual involving their father, where they found compassion for him and remembered the pact their souls had made. - They describe the transformation of the ecstatic dance room into a collective force, singing and chanting to intimidate their father and help him awaken. - They emphasize the importance of compassion and understanding that those in power are often scared and insecure. - They reflect on the need to meet their dark potential with love and camaraderie, rather than violence or domination.
The Dutch Merchant and the Spiritual Revolution
- They discuss the Dutch merchant, Lubo, and his role in the spiritual revolution, suggesting he may be hijacking the movement. - They reflect on the need to be aware of the dark potential of 13 Kan and to resist the urge to use their power for destruction. - They emphasize the importance of working together within existing frameworks to restore balance and equality. - They share a vision of transporting their father to Japan to train with a Kung Fu master and harness his power for good, symbolizing the potential for transformation and healing.
The Game of Abuse and Manipulation
- They describe the game of abuse and manipulation played by those in power, suggesting it is a way for the universe to know itself through every possible configuration. - They reflect on the need to help each other awaken and the importance of compassion and understanding in the process. - They emphasize the importance of resisting the urge to use power for destruction and instead meeting it with love and camaraderie. - They share a vision of using their 13 Kan powers to crush those in power, but choosing to meet them with affection and camaraderie instead.
The Path to Equality and the Role of the 13 Kan
- They discuss the path to equality and the role of the 13 Kans in the process, emphasizing the importance of understanding their dark potential. - They reflect on the need to use their power for good and to meet those in power with love and camaraderie. - They share a vision of transporting their father to Japan to train with a kung fu master and harness his power for good, symbolizing the potential for transformation and healing. - They emphasize the importance of being in the body and not killing oneself to make money, suggesting a new way of living that prioritizes presence and enjoyment.
The Final Vision and the Path Forward
- They describe a final vision of transporting their father to the rolling green hills of Japan, where he could train with a kung fu master and harness his 13 Kan power for good. - They reflect on the importance of following through with good ideas and not letting the hustle consume everything. - They emphasize the need to be in the body and not kill oneself to make money, suggesting a new way of living that prioritizes presence and enjoyment. - They conclude by reiterating the importance of working together and using existing systems to restore balance and equality, without those in power realizing it.
