Dream + Reality
dream = time + reality
dream / time + reality = ?
dream - time = reality?
dream + time + reality
I talk about the time with Marc as a darkness, speaking if the horror, but going into the night world together, I fucking loved that part. Nobody else understood it.
But I spent my life recreating the pattern I just saw this morning, making worlds of two where nobody else understood us.
Mommy and fetus. Where she provided everything and I was powerless.
Like the patriarchy did to us.
Her body, my body, our body.
It needs to be her body. My body. Body of Earth.
But I have been living her dream. As Jung says, the children live the unlived lives of the parents, unless they can recognize and alchemize it.
I slept zero, again, because the Night World is calling, every time I lean into this thing around DMT as an ancient neuromodulator, death, and dreaming, WILD synchronicities start unfolding, ones Jung would be proud of; all of it has to mean something. I walked home from dance volunteering on legs wobbly as a newborn fawn that could barely carry me, why? I love this shit, it makes me feel alive, staggering around the Night World like a zombie, feeling my third eye finally see clearly, in the nighttime I am myself again, the only time I feel safe to fully let my guard down is in the dark. The Third Eye Drops episode dropped live an hour after I got home at 1am and I stayed awake listening to most of it because I’ll be damned, it was about the Night World, and ancient Western esoteric practices of reaching altered states through methods like intubation, meditating in caves and shrouding themselves in darkness until the universe expanded. Need to rewatch and take notes because I started falling asleep at the end, but only an hour and a half later and I was up again doing kundalini and channeling half-into an Amanita tunnel, and I realize now that maybe I’ve just transferred all my same adoration and clinging to a new Mommy I now just want to be with all the time, which is what I kind of do with everything. But maybe also it’s okay because this mother inherently keeps me further away, she’ll always be at a distance, maybe this is how I finally learn individuation.
Then I crashed out on the couch and missed the last glorious hour of darkness anyway. Soma, the elixir of immortality in Hindu and Buddhist lore, likely made from Amanita, whose etymology means “body” in ancient Greek, or “the body living in its wholeness,” but also makes me think of “somnambulance”:
sleepwalking.
Is that what I’m doing? Or am I astral exploring? Going into the world where I can create and Nutcrackers come to life? Can it be both things?
Bones that knit themselves and grow back stronger.
Things that turn into other things for longer and longer.
Am I becoming Tyler? Is he who I was to begin with?
Fight Club is a trans story, really.
Amanita is no-sleep juice, the shamanic sauce that helps me find my courage and stand up tall, stretching my perceived limits. What can I really do and what do I just think I can’t? My body has been rigid and awkward since I was a kid, it doesn’t move like the others’ do, until a medicine helps me cut loose. But I really don’t think these medicines actually push you past your real physical limitations—I think they just take you where you think you can’t go.
This dissociation feels so much safer, the night feels so much better, in the dark I see more clearly > more DMT is produced endogenously > self-energy generating. Is it wrong to want to live in the world of the night and sleep when it’s light? I think better, I create better when nobody is looking, when the sun isn’t poking its big head in.
Of course I’m going to Berlin next—I said it when I was there last. Berlin is the night world. Nobody does anything during the day. Maybe I will learn to be nocturnal.
This time the AI identifies two different speakers—hasn’t happened in a while. A new one is present…
Summary: The conversation explores the concept of dreams becoming reality, touching on themes from the "Third Eye Drops" episode and discussions about Aboriginal dreamtime. Speaker 1 reflects on the duality of reality and the night world, while Riordan Regan discusses the multifaceted nature of dreams, suggesting they can be both a blessing and a form of enslavement, akin to the Matrix. The ancient Greeks' practice of moving between dream and waking states is mentioned, highlighting the mysteries of the collective consciousness and the potential dangers it poses. The speakers express a sense of synchronicity and fascination with these ideas.
Outline:
Dreams and Reality: A Philosophical Exploration
Speaker 1 discusses the concept of dreams becoming reality, emphasizing the duality of perceiving it as both a wish fulfilled and a profound realization.
The conversation touches on the episode of "Third Eye Drops," which explored themes of dreaming and the Aboriginal concept of dream time.
Speaker 1 reflects on the discussion with Eric about the nature of reality, who is dreaming, and the duality we navigate in our existence.
The night world and its connection to the broader themes of dreaming and reality are also mentioned, with Speaker 1 expressing a sense of synchronicity and fascination.
The Role of Dreams in Human Experience
Riordan Regan introduces the idea that dreams can represent both blessings and enslavement, drawing parallels to "The Matrix" and the concept of dream spells.
The discussion includes historical references to the ancient Greeks, who trained themselves to move between dream and waking states to solve mysteries.
Riordan Regan highlights the collective consciousness and its dual nature, suggesting that it can be both beneficial and potentially dangerous.
The conversation concludes with a reflection on the collective dream and the need for individuals to navigate their own reality amidst the oceanic boundlessness of the collective unconscious.
Speaker 1: What does it mean when the dream becomes reality? I've been looking at it so ominously, but it can also mean when you get the wish your heart makes, when the beautiful thing you're imagining finally materializes on this earth plane. I that whole episode of third eye drops was about dreaming, the dream. Everything Eric and I talked about is back, everything from Glasgow is back. She talked about all of it the Aboriginal dream time, who's dreaming? What's reality? Who's dreaming, whose timeline? What is the duality we're navigating? What does the night world have to do with all of this? I mean, fuck that whole thing was one giant synchronicity. I'm kind of freaking out.
Riordan: The oldest trick in the book. What if you got everything you were wishing for, everything you were dreaming of, and at the end of it all, you were still unhappy? At the end of it all, you're the one who's got to face you.
The synchronicities have gotten weird, when I lean into the dream time and DMT as an ancient neuromodulator everything seems to accelerate. Must be a barometer of what we’re uncovering. There’s something to everything Michael is finding, there's something to the dissociation, the Aboriginal dream time, the dream spell, the fake calendar. The dream can be a curse or a blessing. A dream can be something beautiful, coming to life, or it can be the thing that enslaves you, The Matrix, poison or medicine. Just like everything, intubation, the ancient Greeks that train themselves to move on the dream to waking and back again, maybe the Eleusinian mysteries. Who knows?
Okay, and it's 4 Imox today, the dream of the collective consciousness and to watch for yourself getting swept up in that oceanic boundlessness, Amanita, the dream becomes reality. It can be something beautiful. It can be reinforcing the duality. I look at the collective consciousness like it's a good thing but maybe sometimes it's dangerous. I.
Gaslighting is living in a dream world. Creating a false reality but one that you draw others into. I’m still upset about Callin, dad. Callin wrote me a message that just said “happy birthday” on IG. THOSE ARE NOT THE TWO LITTLE WORDS YOU NEED TO SAY TO ME. It would be so easy—you could make this all go away with one little phrase—and yet you’ll never do it. NEVER. You’ll never just say you’re sorry.
Sorry not sorry, I don’t want to go to your part. Now the two of them can get together and gaslight me behind my back, talk about how I’m so mean to them, living in the dream world of their own creation.
The Nutcracker takes place entirely within a dream—no wonder I’ve always been fascinated by it, and why it’s how the play seems to be shaping up now. It explores the questions: when are you awake? What’s more real?
Gaslighting is like a dream, where you think one thing happened but everyone is insisting it was another.
Marc and I wandered into the dream, it came to life Nutcracker-style around our neighborhood, we saw whole casts of characters have parties in our house and drift along street corners and stare creepily from lawns. And the visions scared me but I also fucking loved it, that weird magical world where anything could happen.
Blackouts are the dream becoming reality, or vice versa, boundaries blurring, and I kept going in to try and find the information I had hidden, to find the answers.
All they have to do is say “I’m sorry,” but as Kastrup said, they’d rather create a universe of suffering, where I’m the villain and they’re the victim, than give an inch.
But maybe it’s her manifesting subconsciously what she wanted, a universe of two where nobody else understands us. The subconscious speaks in images and the 13 Kan kid picks up on the subtle messages and sorcerer’s-apprentices that shit to Frankenstein this world into existence—isn’t this what you wanted?!?
It’s not because we are weak and shameful, we’re powerful manifestors, and we got the world we wanted where only we exist in it, but I don’t want it anymore, I never did, I just wanted to do what she wanted so she wouldn’t be so sad and I wouldn’t be a failure in the day world of adults before I even got there. Deception is what everyone is doing. The tea is sand, we’re just acting out her stuffed-animal tea party for eternity, trapped in her dream, but we have to go back in and make her little kid wake up again. Because this one was born for adventure, the jungle and Egypt, and I want to live, not just dream.
The cough, the phlegm, I overconsume when I’m swallowing truth and not being authoentic or expressing. Mom taught me to eat my feelings; dad and Deedee taught me to drink them; but nobody taught me to SPEAK them. Dad and Ceri, I don’t want your fucking presents, I wanted your presence, but don’t even bother now.
Now I hide from the light and only in the night am I safe to speak my mind, but only into a tape or an unpublished web page or a journal, maybe I’m still afraid they’ll all read it and I’ll get in trouble.
But the darkness is where we have always made magic - the serotonin world is too intense, I’m too sensitive.
Card pull: Page of Swords, because of course, I’ve drawn them every day of Tijax so far. This one is indecision, of course, after yesterday’s entry, I read in Jodorowsky: pages are caught between potential and action - you can’t make this stuff up.
